Living for the Fallen
by AntiPixie
Summary: Auron is back from the dead, reborn as a man named Lazarus. He becomes guardian to Yuna's daughter in order to prevent Spira's total distruction, and finally learns how to truly live. Post-X2 Aurikku. Discontinued until further notice.
1. Prologue: Of Death

Setting: Starts on the farplane right at the end of FFX.  


  
Plot: Auron-centric. Lots of flashbacks planned, including pilgrimage scenes and pre-FFX Zanarkand type stuff. Auron comes back after the perfect ending of FFX-2. Stuff happens. I'm making this up as I go along.  
  
This is my first fanfic EVER, so please R&R. You will find no Mary Sues in my writing, and I'll keep it as high-quality as possible. No stealing, either. If you want to read other wonderful FFX and FFX-2 stories, check my favorite stories list in my profile. I'm a total addict.

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Prologue: Of Death  


  
So, this was what it felt like to be dead. Really dead.  
  
Auron looked at his hand-- or rather, looked through it. The final scene of Tidus' story shone though the semi-transparency of Farplane flesh, and Auron's good eye widened at the sight. It was, without question, a very sentimental ending. The father and son slapped hands as soon as they saw one another, and then without missing a beat, they hugged. Like always, Tidus became overemotional, blubbering "I hate you" over and over until it was indistinguishable from the "I love you" of Yuna's voice still ringing in their ears. The blonde buried his face into his father's shoulder, halfway between laughing and crying. Standing on the other side of the pair was Braska, smiling at the two, hands clasped calmly behind his back.  
  
"Still consider your boy a crybaby, Jecht?" he asked, walking slowly around the pair towards a still-stoic Auron, long flowery robes trailing behind him. The reason for Braska's question shone on Jecht's face. When he and Tidus looked at each other, two dream-ghost men covered in equal measures of saltwater tears, they burst into laughter that echoed across the Farplane.  
  
Jecht was the first to change the subject. After all, so what if Tidus had happened to inherit his crybaby tendencies from an over-emotional father? "Well, Braska, at least you're not alone anymore, huh? Got all three of us jackasses on your case now," he said with a wide grin.  
  
"Quite the contrary. I have not been alone for quite some time. Though I must admit, I have missed my guardians. And it is good to meet the one who's captured my daughter's heart." With a calm smile, Braska raised a hand to the group, leading the three of them deeper into the heart of the Farplane. "Let me give you the five-gil tour." Though Tidus had to giggle at Braska's antiquated terminology, the three followed behind, Jecht keeping an arm around his son as if he'd never see him again.  
  
Auron dragged behind, hiding a disappointed scowl behind his collar - which was, luckily, only as transparent as most of his body and not simply see-through to the ghostly flesh. Giving his friends a sneak peek at his privates was not at all appealing. The scowl remained, however, despite that small comfort. Somehow he'd expected this moment to be more... monumental. His death had already been much like his life, though things were always a little colder, a little more painful. On Spira, and even in Zanarkand, he still continued to grow old. He continued to rest and eat, breathe and sleep. He'd even gotten morning wood, for Yevon's sake, and that was one of the most annoying parts of actual life in the first place. It led him to wonder just how much of an end death could possibly be. Even here, he felt his own form holding him in, felt the soft, almost furry brush of pyreflies on his skin. His non-skin. Whatever bubble kept his essence together whereas other souls disappeared, rested forever. It was almost impossible to distinguish life from death, even in this place of death.  
  
"So Braska," Jecht half-shouted, interrupting the course of warrior-monk's thoughts, "what's with this whole dead thing? I mean, I still feel like I'm a hot-blooded young stud. Just now I don't have a monkey named Yu Yevon on my back. What gives?"  
  
Auron chuckled. "I was wondering the same thing myself," he murmured, eliciting a snicker from Tidus.  
  
"When were you a hot-blooded young stud, old man?" questioned the boy, ducking the glove Auron had pulled off and thrown at him in anticipation of the remark.  
  
"I was young once. Which reminds me... how is it that I have aged, and neither of you have?" Auron lowered his sunglasses, and rubbed at his scar. The wound had healed over just a few weeks after he'd made his slow crawl down Gagazet, once he'd found Yuna's future Ronso guardian. And then the contact with Sin, the sudden yank from reality that had pulled him into dream Zanarkand, where he'd continued to experience life in the same way he'd experienced it in Spira.  
  
"Spira itself," replied Braska. "If you remain on Spira despite death, if you have some purpose to which you must attend, your body decides that it is still utterly whole, though your soul is pulled toward the farplane."  
  
Jecht grabbed his shoulder and massaged a kink out, cocking his head to the side. "But what about Auron's ten years in Zanarkand? Or other people there? I mean, I think we had at least one or two undead walkin' around. And I don't mean fayth."  
  
Braska shrugged. "I'm thinking it's the same thing with Zanarkand. Those who become fiends, however, are probably the opposite. Their bodies are dead, likely buried, and it is their souls that decide they've remained whole. In either case, of course, they're wrong. What's dead is dead, and bodies like Auron's, or souls like fiends', are just kind of confused about being alive. You follow?"  
  
Tidus paused in their walk and scrunched up his forehead, jaw going slightly slack in thought. After moments, his mouth snapped shut, and he halfway raised a hand, dashing to catch up to the group. "I don't get it, Lord Braska."  
  
"Now there's a surprise," joked Auron, with a chuckle. "Jecht, did you drop Tidus on his head when he was little?"  
  
"Well..."  
  
Tidus stomped and waved his arm in mock anger. "Hey! Cut it out, man, I'm not that much of a ditz!"  
  
"No, you're a blitz," Auron corrected.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Braska smiled. For some reason, he could see why his daughter would like this kid. "Tidus, they're just kidding you. You probably don't get it just because I'm blowing smoke from my rear end." His smile got even bigger when Jecht started guffawing at his rare breach of decorum. "Seriously, though, this is all the stuff I've come up with floating around here for the past ten years, waiting for my guardians to show. Waiting for my baby girl to save the world. That kind of thing"  
  
Jecht rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it. I've kind of been in the same crap situation, you know. Locked up inside Yu Yevon's funky shell. And I mean funky. As Sin, I really freaking stank. You know how much a big thing like that sweats?"  
  
"What I don't understand is," said Auron, bringing them back to the previous topic of conversation, "Neither Tidus nor Jecht are technically dead. You're both figments of the imaginations of dead souls. So it's a bit peculiar that you're here at all."  
  
"Hey. Yeah. Hm. I'm, uh. I'm not really sure why that is. Or what's going on." Tidus stretched his arms out at his sides, then let them fall to slap against his hips. "Wish the Bevelle fayth were here to help me out. That'd be handy. I really want to see Yuna again, but like, I don't want to wait until she's dead. That'd totally suck."  
  
Braska chuckled. "Why don't you spend your time here making a theory about your existence? I'm sure it won't be too long before the fayth comes to explain things to you. And then that can be the first thing you tell Yuna about if you ever get to go back."  
  
Jecht barked out a laugh. "That'd be something, wouldn't it? Coming back from the dead when you're not really dead in the first place."  
  
Tidus nodded, stuffing his hands in his pockets. His normally carefree eyes were squinted in concentraiton, and he chewed on his lower lip while the older men continued to walk. Silence overtook the group until Braska reached a place in the farplane that looked like a quiet garden. It reminded Auron of Macalania, with its dark silence and the silent crystalline flutter of shining things. There were more pyreflies here, and one flew straight through Auron's body, coming out on the other side and zipping around in front of his eyes before floating away. The unreality of it made him shiver. It wasn't an unpleasant sensation. More soft than anything. But it was...  
  
"Unsettling. Isn't it?" Braska chuckled and held out a hand, where several more of the tiny lights settled, winking in turns like Yevonmas decorations. "More unsettling than anything since these pyreflies aren't actually the same creatures we knew when we were alive. These are dispersed souls. The dead who have ceased all conscious thought. They look like pyreflies for the same reason pyreflies are attracted to the farplane: the matter they are made of is quite similar. I don't know much about them, but they're very... calming." He smiled. "I think it's this calming feature that makes other souls decide to cease conscious thought and rest. Some of them can form once again, if there is a need, of course. Most never do. Some even collect in human-shaped masses, tiny fragments from souls long gone, and fly into Spira. These masses are most attracted to fertile women."  
  
Jecht smirked. "Heh. I would be too. Bow-chika-bow-bow!" The dark-skinned blitzball player wiggled his shoulders in time to the beat he'd made, channeling the spirit of porn music. Tidus caught it and laughed, and even Auron smirked behind his collar.  
  
With a smile, Braska shook his head. "Not quite. More like... Little bits of you, and me, and lots of other souls out there, once a newborn is conceived, it calls us all. And little pieces, little tiny fragments that look like the pyreflies down here, they form up and go fill the babe in the womb with life."  
  
Auron nodded. "That makes sense. So lots of different older souls... become one new soul. Each birth is truly the birth of something new, but the farplane doesn't fill up with soul particles. I suppose."  
  
"Yes, that's what I think," said the summoner.  
  
"Reincarnation?" Jecht asked, sitting down to lean against a tree that glimmered like cut obsidian. "I always thought that was a bunch of mumbo-jumbo. Y'know, phoney as Yunalesca's silicone-enhanced tits."  
  
"It may be. No one really knows, save Yu Yevon. Now that he's dead, though, the fayth are working on drawing out his secrets." Braska grinned. "And as Tidus and Jecht know, they can be very... persuasive. Since they've rested so long, they're quite active down here."  
  
"Wha?" Tidus asked, stunned out of his reviere.  
  
"Nothing, kid." Jecht sighed, and began tracing small patterns in the dirt of the forest ground. Then again, who could tell what the hell this ground was made from? Everything else in this garden was beautiful and stark, like cut stone and gems. And all of it very, very cold. Even the ground looked like nothing more than granite dust. "Ehh. This is depressing."  
  
"Why's that, Jecht?" asked Braska. The High Summoner moved to the tree and kneeled, keeping his robes from getting caught on his soft boots and tripping him.  
  
"I just. Well. I don't really think I'm interested in hanging out here so much. You know? I mean... my wife's not here because she was never real. I think I'm ready to rest. Maybe I'll dream something good. And like ol' Braska said, we can come back if we're needed. In case either Spira or little Yuna ever needs our help again." The former blitzball star smirked and folded his arms, laughing suddenly. "Or maybe I could go look up those nice fertile womens. Va-voom!"  
  
Tidus snickered and shook his head, suddenly becoming very interested in a plant that looked like it had been made from pure emeralds, yet bent and blew in a mysterious wind he could not feel. His brow furrowed, but this time, not in thought.  
  
Auron nodded, pulling down his collar. "It's true. If Yuna is ever in need, we can all become ourselves again and help her. Maybe minus a few soul particles, if Jecht really feels the need to become a baby again. Not as though he wasn't before."  
  
"Har har har." Jecht rolled his eyes, but grinned, punching Auron's shin playfully. "I helped save the world, you know."  
  
"Yeah, after almost wrecking it."  
  
"Shut up." Jecht smirked.  
  
"No, you shut up!" Auron smirked wider.  
  
"Children..." Braska interceded, holding up his hands, and when Jecht stuck his tongue out, the summoner fell over laughing.  
  
Jecht's decision was sudden, but somehow, the time seemed right. They were ready. Auron looked up at his old friends, then walked over and kneeled next to Jecht and Braska. In an unprescedented display, pulled the both of them into a tight group hug. Tidus, who had curled into a ball and was humming the Hymn of the Fayth, looked up towards Jecht and Auron with tears in his eyes.  
  
"Crybaby," Tidus' father and foster-father said in unison. Braska lay a hand on the young man from behind, and murmured, "Take care of my daughter. I'm sure you'll meet again." There was a gravity in his words that the boy could not understand... That is, until he looked over his shoulder. The child with the soul of a dragon had appeared, and before Tidus could finish crying, before Jecht could finish hugging his son, the blitzball-playing dreams that were Tidus and Jecht simply vanished. With a bow to the two remaining men, the dark-skinned child walked away, wiggling his toes in the granite dirt of the forest floor, before laughing and running off.  
  
"That was..." Auron balked. The fayth, of course. That fayth had summoned Tidus and Jecht both. He had been responsible. He must have created a part of both of them, and his dream simply returned to him. "Yuna won't be alone for long."  
  
"Naturally," murmured Braska, smiling. Suddenly, his wife walked out from behind the trees. Silently, she took his hand. Silently, they disappeared into a thousand tiny lights, and Auron was alone. 


	2. Chapter 1: Of Rebirth

Setting: Besaid island, 4 years after the end of FFX and, therefore, 2 years after the end of X-2. I'm still going to keep the story in the FFX category, however, since its main character is an FFX main character. If you think it's misplaced at all, however, please do let me know. I'm going to be writing this somewhat out of sequence, but there'll be enough flashbacks that everything will be clear by the end. 

Note 1: On the phrase "drowning rat." I love rats! Rats are actually adorable creatures. In movies, they have to actually use gel and stuff on rats to make them look ugly. 

Note 2: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! I never expected such a response so soon, before any real plot even began! I know that the first chapter's not that great, and leaves some stuff out, and I do plan on rewriting it at some point to elucidate some of the problems my LOVELY reviewers have brought up. 

Note 3: The clothing I put Lazarus in was inspired by Hattori Hanzo's second outfit in the game Samurai Warriors. I'd put up a pic of it if I could find one. Oh yeah, and I'll try to keep these pre-chapter notes shorter in the future, I promise.

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**Chapter 1: Of Rebirth**

"You had your chance to run," Paine said with a smirk, hefting her sword in one strong hand. A curl of silvery hair fell into her face, falling out of the temporary mohawk she'd tried gelling it into, but she didn't pay it any mind. He wasn't going to get out of it this time, no sir. She had him cornered, and as soon as he tried to move in one direction or another, it would be her turn to strike. 

"Yeah! Get him, Paine!" A giggle squeaked from her audience, though she wasn't sure at this point whether it were Rikku or Yuna. The cousins had become one mass of thin limbs and high-pitched laughter, one on top of the other. Gippal and Tidus had banded together against the three girls that afternoon when they were playing volleyball on the Besaid beach, right near the dock. When Tidus had pounced Yuna like an over-eager puppy, knocking her and Rikku down in the process, Gippal had taken the fishing net they'd been using as a court divider and thrown it over both of them. Paine, though her shoulders were shaking at the predicament of her fellow sphere hunters, felt herself obligated to defend them. So while they were rolling around trying to get out, with no success so far, she'd plucked up her sword from the sand and began to chasing the boys around with it, threatening to chop off delicate parts of male anatomy. When she began to go after Tidus, Yuna gave a shrill warning to leave her husband's boy bits alone, in case she needed them one day for kids and stuff. Gippal it was, then... 

"Dump him in the ocean! No one'll know it was you!" Rikku cackled, peeking through two holes in the fishing net. "We'll cover for you!" 

Paine gave her trademark slight smirk and threw her sword... Which landed point-first in the sand right between Gippal's legs. Looking down, the man blanched, and thanked his lucky stars that Paine had not meant to aim accurately. His relief was short-lived, however, as Paine took advantage of his momentary distraction to stomp near him and grab him by the seat of his pants, hurling her friend into the nearby surf. 

"Just my luck," he grumbled, "covered with water, and with a really bad wedgie. Thanks, Pilot. I knew I could count on you." 

"Any time, Engineer. Glad to be of service," she said, saluting with a near-imperceptable wink. But before she could run off to continue the assault on Tidus, Gippal had managed to take a great mouthful of oceanwater and spit it in her face. 

"Hurt time!" she yelled, rolling up her non-existant sleeves, and Yuna and Rikku went unaided while she pummeled Gippal with a million light punches, and the Al Bhed tried to fend her off as well as he could, arms in front of his face and looking like a drowning rat - his perfectly-spiked hair beginning to plaster against his head in gel-sticky clumps. 

Since Tidus had been spared, he ran across the beach to the net and began to tickle Yuna's sides, merciless despite her pleas. "Stop! Nooooooooo! Help, Paine!" she cried breathlessly, "Come get this one too! Or just get me out of this thing, I'll do it myself!" Yuna struggled against him, and Rikku managed to move just enough out from under her cousin to bop Tidus on the head. Unfortunately, Rikku's bopping did nothing to stop him - not until one particularly hard thump on his rear made him go "ack!" and turn around. 

"Wakka! Let us out!" Rikku cried, after seeing the blitzball that had bounced off Tidus' butt in his capable hands. The red-headed islander surveyed the situation and shook his head. Then, much to Tidus' chagrin, Wakka grabbed the net, flung it off the girls, and proceeded to tackle his friend into a chokehold. 

"Tidus, don't treat your wife that way, ya? You're gonna be sleepin on da couch soon, if you don treat her right. Trust me, budda, I know." Wakka held on laughing while Tidus struggled, elbows digging into the sand. But without warning, something small managed to tackle Wakka, letting out a high-pictched squeal of happiness that distracted the redhead entirely. Wakka slipped off Tidus and grinned, squirming in the sand and pretending to have a very difficult time disloging the tackler. Tidus took the opportunity to crawl over to Yuna and pull her into a sandy hug. 

"Aww!" Rikku giggled, grabbing Yuna away from her renewed Tidus-nuzzling and pointing at the two-year-old Vidina. The boy was grinning, trying his hardest to wrestle his father, but far too small to make any headway. He really was cute, with brown eyes tinged with pink like granite, and his father's gravity-defying hair, if a bit closer to auburn than fire-red. Lulu had tried to cut it short like Chappu's had been, but even though it was as feather-light as most toddler's hair, it could not be tamed. Unfortunately for Lulu's state of mind, however, Vidina had inherited her own pale skin, and was very prone to burning in the Besaid sun. 

The child's mother walked closer to the group, an Onion Knight doll sitting on her shoulder. She kneeled down in the sand with her family, quietly observant as usual, one arm laid gently over her stomach, still a little full from having given natural birth. She clearly had something to say to the group, but she was waiting patiently until Wakka caught her eye, and finally cried out, "Okay, little man, I'm sayin uncle! Go play with Aunt Rikku, eh?" 

Rikku clapped her hands and spread her arms wide, catching the toddler when he raced to her and falling flat on her back from the impact of his joy. Yuna, meanwhile, tilted her head, waiting for Lulu to say whatever it was that she had to say. 

"Yuna, there's a man here to see you." The black mage's face darkened a bit, lilac-painted lips pursing in concern. "I haven't ever met him before, but he says it's urgent that he speak with you. Baralai and his fiancée came earlier today and we were baking, so they're keeping an eye on him." 

"His fiancée?" Tidus asked, typical confused lilt to his words. After a few moments, his eyes and mouth widened in sudden understanding. "Oh! You mean, he asked Shelinda to marry him?" 

"Mm. About time. I was beginning to think our Navigator had no guts," Paine murmured, walking up to the group. She'd used her garment grid to change into her Trainer outfit, since her usual garb was covered in saltwater and dark, wet sand. Flurry circled overhead, before diving towards the water a little ways away and scooping up a wriggling fish in his black talons, sending out the loud call of a pleased raptor. Meanwhile, Gippal was not so lucky. He walked up to the group, dripping and griping, covered in the beach gunk out of which Paine had so effortlessly changed. His hair, normally combed just a bit forward and perfectly spiked - Rikku guessed once that he spent two hours on it every day - was plastered to his head, and he couldn't even manage to scrape it into some kind of order. Sticky blonde bangs flopped forward towards his eyes, and his eyepatch was soaked through. The right side of his face kept twitching, as if saltwater had gotten beneath the patch. "This?" Gippal had said once when Yuna asked, "I got it in a bar fight when I was sixteen. This jerk scraped me up with a bottle. The eye could still see, but he cut the lid off completely, so it's all scarred up around the socket and totally gross. Don't look unless you have an incredibly strong stomach." He'd shown Wakka at a late-night post-game party once, and the blitzer was so drunk and so nauseated by the sight that he'd vomited right on the beach. 

"So," said Lulu, standing, "shall we go see to this tall dark stranger?" 

"At least she didn't say 'handsome,' Wakka," Rikku giggled, cuddling Vidina to her shoulder while the little boy played with her braids. "Then you'd have to get jealous." 

"Hey hey hey hey, I don get jealous!" Wakka grinned, sliding an arm around his wife and grabbing the hand-like nubs of the Onion Knight. As they walked, the doll 'held' onto his fingers and swung back and forth like a gymnast. "Lulu's got the best catch around, ya? No way she'd think about other guys." His eyebrow furrowed a little, then, and his face fell. He looked over at his wife's profile with big puppy-dog eyes. "Right, Lu?" 

"Yes, dear." 

Wakka grinned again, looking at Rikku with triumph. Then he spun back to his wife, eyes big again, scratching his head. "Waitaminute, I know dat 'yes, dear.' Dat's your sarcastic voice!" he cried, pointing an accusing finger inches away from Lulu's nose. 

She smiled, lips twitching with surpressed laughter. "Yes, dear." 

"I hate to break up this sweet-talk, guys, but, um..." Yuna put two fingers to her lips. "We're here." 

Suddenly, the light and happy air that had been over the group all morning was gone, and the entrance to Lulu and Wakka's family-sized tent seemed strangely foreboding and dark. Since the black mage had already seen the man and knew he did not bite, she entered first, followed by Paine and Wakka, then the rest. 

As soon as she saw the man, Yuna was intimidated. Though he could only have been four or so years older than herself, he seemed worlds apart. He was indeed tall, dark, and handsome, dressed in loose-fitting clothing clearly intended for ease of movement in combat. His boots and gloves went to the knee and elbow, made from hard black leather, and accented by steel buckles, keeping them tight, and likely deadly if he were to send either kick or punch in one's direction. Loose black martial arts pants flowed down his legs, bloused a little at the knee where they'd been tucked into the heavy-looking boots, and were embroidered with red silk in stripes down the outside of leg. A sleeveless black tunic covered his torso, embroidered with red silk in the form of epaulets on his shoulders and cut in a 'V' down his chest. A steel belt equivalent to the gloves and boots cinched the tunic at his waist, longer at the front to guard against attacks to the belly. The most peculiar thing about the outfit was an undershirt that swept from underneath the tunic; though it rose up to cinch around his neck like a turtleneck, this collar was raised in the back, starched into stiffness, and there were small, blunt metal hooks sewn into the collar behind both of the man's ears. Hooked onto these metal pieces was a black silk mask, covering the man's nose and mouth so that he was indistinguishable except for red-brown eyes, thick eyebrows, and short-cropped black hair that stood out in careless spikes around his hairline. The look would almost be considered stylish, but Yuna could take one look at the man and see that he had no concern for something so trivial as appearance. He stood facing away from the group, his gaze puncturing a hole in the wall of the tent, arms crossed and legs apart. Shelinda sat on the blue couch looking nervous with Baralai standing next to her, hands clasped behind his back. Until the group had entered the tent, he'd clearly been murmuring an attempt at conversation with a man who appeared made of stone, or at least temporarily ailed by that status effect. 

After a few anxious moments, Yuna finally walked toward the man and cleared her throat, bowing. When she straightened, she had her hands clasped in front of her, fingers working themselves into the crevices of the opposite hand, palms rubbing against one another in discomfort. "I am Yuna. Lulu said you wished to speak to me, Sir?" 

He turned to see her, and his position immediately relaxed, which eased the rest of the group into some semblance of normalcy. Even Baralai collapsed onto the couch, sitting next to his fiancée. They made quite the pretty couple, especially since they always wore Yevonite robes the same matching shade of grass green. 

"High Summoner Yuna," began the stranger, his voice rather light for one so imposing. It wasn't high-pitched, but it wasn't very deep either, and had a distinctly gravelly tone to it that made it soothing to hear. "My name is Lazarus. I have come from Bevelle." 

Yuna smiled and bowed again, extending an arm towards a chair. "Lazarus. I recognize that name. The story of the man who was raised from his grave by his cousin." Though the man declined to sit, his eyes remained soft and welcoming, and Yuna continued. "A very powerful cousin named Yu Yevon. And when the man was raised after four days on the Farplane, there was a great celebration. Likely revolving around blitzball." She smiled, deciding to take a seat herself. When Lazarus didn't answer, she continued. "This of course was before the time of Sin. Not many know of Yevon's ability to heal, however. Your parents must be true believers." 

Lazarus paused, looking at the floor for a moment before responding. "My parents were... great believers. In the power of life and death, and in Spira's ability to transcend both. As am I. That is why I've come." 

"And why have you come, Mr. Lazarus?" 

"I have been commanded." When Yuna's face warped into an uncustomary frown, the man straightened, pulled himself taller. "Now that the temples are open to the public, many in Bevelle, as well as elsewhere, are making their own pilgramages to the Chambers of the Fayth. Though the statues are gone, and the holes leading to the Farplane are covered up in case of accident, there are... remnants of what once was." Lazarus crouched to Yuna's eye-level, looking deeply into her face, studying her expression as he spoke. "The Fayth of Bevelle, once fayth to the proud aeon Bahamut, spoke to me. If you don't believe me, I can tell you that he looks like a child, dressed all in purple, his face masked by the shadows of his hood. Happens to like the word 'precisely' very much. He commanded me, as a servant to Spira, to come to you and offer my services as the guardian-- as the bodyguard of the daughter you will bear within the year." 

Yuna gasped. It was a good thing she'd been sitting down, because her body tilted back, stunned into a near-faint. Tidus rushed over and whipped off his gloves, putting his hands on his wife's shoulders. "Yuna!" he cried, deeply worried, while the other people inside the tent were standing stiff, in shock at what had just been said so calmly. 

"Yunie..." began Rikku, hesitant to ask what was so clearly on everyone else's mind. Finally she blurted, "You're pregnant?" 

Yuna nodded in response, groping along her shoulder for Tidus' hand. He knew, of course, but it had only been a month since she'd skipped a period, and they were waiting to find out for certain before telling anyone else. "Why... why did he send you, Sir? I have my friends, my family. Everyone around this child will be ready and able to protect her. I can fight myself, if need be. Is Spira really going to become that dangerous in the near future? Again?" She shook her head, hands shaking on Tidus', while he squeezed her shoulders in an attempt at comfort. Suddenly, Yuna shouted, "Hasn't my family risked enough for this world!?" Her soft voice broke in the middle of her shout, and real rage and frustration poured out, pent up for most of her life but finally having come out over her past few years of freedom. 

Lazarus turned away, a wounded look in his eyes. "I am sorry, but the Fayth did not say. He commanded me to go. I asked no further questions." _That's a lie. I asked why. I begged. I pleaded with him not to make me go._ "I came to protect your family, Lady Yuna. Not to harm it through my words. I apologise. Command, and I will leave." 

Yuna sighed and shook her head. The rage had passed, leaving her empty and confused. "No. Thank you for your offer, Mr. Lazarus. I will accept it, and I thank you. You may, ahh..." She paused and looked at Tidus, biting her lower lip for a moment. He nodded in return, letting her know that she should do what she thought best. Comforted, Yuna turned to Lazarus and gave another bow. "If it is acceptable, you may come to live with us. We have a guest room, but you are perfectly welcome to become our lodger. Since you're rendering us service anyway, there will be no charge." 

"I thank you," responded the man, with a respectful bow, calculatedly deeper than that with which Yuna had graced him. 

_Too much formality,_ thought Rikku, so she cut into their bowing and foolishness an such with, "So I guess that means Paine and I are back to the airship, huh?" 

Yuna chuckled. "Sorry, Rikku. But it's not so bad. You know you love the Celcius." 

"Yeah, well. At least I got some time away from Brother. He can really get on a girl's nerves, you know." The 19-year-old Al Bhed grinned, flashing her dimples at Gippal as she spoke. 

Gippal laughed. "You got that right! Though hey, think you two could give me a ride back to Djose? The guys can do fine without me, but I'm still their glorious leader. We can have a big party back at my place," he said with a grin. "Rin comissioned me to come up a design, and I made this smooth cocktail machine. You gotta check it out." 

"Technically," murmured Paine, "we're not legal. Rikku has two years to go, and I've got one." 

Yuna giggled. "Aww, c'mon. You two go have some fun. You can drink for me. Now that I'm legal age to get sloshed, I'm apparently pregnant." Suddenly, she started laughing, and jumped up from her seat to pounce Tidus with a giant hug. "We're having a baby! We really are!" 

"Yeah!" Tidus caught Yuna with one arm and stepped one sneakered foot back to keep himself from falling backwards. Once he'd recovered from her exuberance, he slapped Wakka a high-five and winked. Vidina wouldn't have to grow up as the only kid, after all. 

Everyone began to crowd around the young couple, and dozens of hugs were exchanged. Rikku bounced Vidina in her arms before passing him to Wakka, explaining to the toddler that there was a playmate coming soon. Poor Baralai had to practically hold Shelinda back from getting her camera crew to interview Yuna on the spot in case the world at large found out about the pregnancy before Yuna's entire extended family did, and that family extended across the whole of Spira. They even got on the sphere with Khimari and told him. The Ronso elder, already starting to show some signs of gray in his blue fur, smiled his best smile. "Terrible," Tidus muttered, grinning like the insane. 

Lazarus, however, was gone before the flurry of love could begin. He'd slipped from the tent door and stood outside, palming a large white bottle of sake he'd left corked in the sand. It was better this way, warmed by the sun, but it didn't seem to soothe whatever thoughts were going through his head. As he swallowed, he looked up at the cloudless sky and a raptor, feathers blue down to its neck, circled overhead, miles above the island. And all Lazarus could see was the fresh red blood on its talons, and the way that it looked headless against the morning sky. 

The man chuckled, took another sip of his sake. "I'm such a damn pessimist."


	3. Chapter 2: Of Breathing

Yay! People like my fic AND are watching me AND that includes people whose stories I have favorited! ::sniff:: I'm the happiest girl in the world! ::sniff:: That, and I'm a little tipsy. Bought beer illegally today at a place they don't card, since my 21st is this Friday and I had to do it at least once. Mike's Hard Lemonade. Mmm. Bring on the silliness. 

God, I'm proud of this chapter. I started writing this just to be kind of an excuse to make a really good Aurikku, but like all fun-to-write stories, it's taking on a mind of its own.

* * *

**Of Breathing**

In Besaid, it rarely rained. During the day, Spira's sun glimmered at its nadir in the sky, and only wisps of clouds hung in the air, peaceful white. Now and then, he could hear the faint trace of guitar music floating on the breeze, the same calm and winding melody every day, played languidly a mile or so away - perhaps on the porch of some wrinkled old fisherman's hut. The air often tasted like... like nostalgia. Even at night, everything on the island seemed to have an internal glow. Fires were stirred, and people spoke, prayed, scolded laughing children into going to bed. 

But now, that winding melody was silent, and in its place rang a steady muffled patter on tent canvas, the louder drum of rain on the waters surrounding the island. A few crashes fell on his ears, though whether it was waves against the shore or lightening at some distance on the ocean was almost indistinguishable. 

He felt unwelcome. Since Yuna and Tidus had built their own tent as soon as they'd been married well over a year ago, they were unceasingly domestic. Even now, the two sat at a large, thin glass window, watching the storm in each other's arms and speaking quietly. Now and then they laughed, foreheads together, the picture of chaste intimacy. It made Lazarus cringe. They should be left alone, at least in their own living room. Unfortunately, he couldn't stand to go back to his own pallet in a closed-off area of the tent. It was too hot. Everything about this island was heat, unbelievable heat. Why he'd continued to wear black, he would never understand. Every day, the sun soaked into him and made him feel like he was baking, a roasted animal to be eaten with a few sauteed funguars and that strange round, seedless fruit they grew indoors in Guadosalam. Sitting near the doorway with the rain cooling the air was his first moment of respite in the single week he'd been here. 

Here, in Besaid. Here, on Spira. Here, where every plant that waved in the wind and every human and animal that breathed the air seemed to be taunting his very existence.

* * *

_I have a favor to ask,_ the child had said. _You will not like it, but I am afraid it is indeed necessary._ He floated in midair, surrounded by the unearthly beauty of Farplane flowers. Pyreflies danced overhead, and the faint, musical sound of crashing waves could be heard far beyond the field in which they now stood. 

Auron blinked lazily and looked around. This wasn't... right. Suddenly, his mouth opened, and he took in a great drink of air, panting as if he'd never breathed before. The air here tasted stale, like that in a cave, but it was full of oxygen and smelled like flowers. _Like an indoor sending ceremony_, he thought wryly. Dreamily, he looked down and found he was naked, utterly naked, with the moisture of the flowers that had been crushed below him soaking into his skin. Everything felt warm then, too. Even the breath he pulled in greedily, hastily, was hotter than anything he could remember. Something was not right. 

_Do you enjoy being alive, Sir Auron?_ The Bevelle fayth smiled, and put his hand to his waist before giving the man a respectful bow. 

Auron looked up, his eyes wide-- wait. Eyes? Yes, he realized, blinking them carefully. Both deep russet eyes were open and functional, the right one restored to full health. But that had to mean... he looked down at his body, uncaring of his blatantly nude state before the fayth. After all, the image floating before him looked like a child, but contained the soul of a man much, much older. Auron stood, surveying the wreckage. He was indeed as young as he had been before he'd received the wound that killed him. He was leaner, thinner, with skin as smooth as that of one in his prime. The wrinkles that had formed on his face were gone, and all the sagging skin that comes with age and worry had vanished, and he was as healthy and whole as when he'd fought fiends, his wide-bladed katana between Braska's various magics and Jecht's blitzball-sword weapon combination. And if that was true, the scar couldn't be there, since it had developed as a result of Yunalesca's fatal strike. 

"Why am I here?" he asked, his voice shaking, unused to its youthful timbre. He almost missed the gruff bass notes to which he'd grown accustomed. The deep roughness of it had instantly commanded respect from Yuna's young guardians. 

_Because_, said the Fayth, _your services will soon be required. In exchange for helping us, we have created your living, breathing body once more. You will be able to live the life you should have lived, had Yunalesca not taken it from you. I have taken the liberty of asking one of the spirits who roam Spira to bring back a suitable outfit and a few gil. Maechen, who has been helping us to fill in the gaps concerning our knowlege of Spira, will be returning shortly._ The child smiled. _If, of course, he is not sidetracked by a good story on the way._

"Helping you," Auron scoffed. He drew himself up to his full height, crossing his arms before him. Despite the strangeness of the situation, he had to show some modicum of dignity. "You wake me from my rest, raise me from the dead naked as the day I was born, and you expect me to help you? I thought you fayth were supposed to be Spira's new form of divinity, not a group of pranksters. Get someone who's actually alive to do your bidding, kill this body and return me to my sleep." He tried to stare the fayth down. It seemed logical that, with two good eyes, he'd be better equipped. But the length of black hair trailing freely down his back tickled him, as did the intense warmth, so different from the constant cold of the walking dead. His gaze faltered. Being young again was... strange. He was keenly aware of every tactile sensation around him. Even the strange wind brushing over his shoulders, carrying with it the tiny fluffs of pyreflies, seemed exotic and new. 

The fayth sighed, shook his head. A blur of yellow-green descended into the field of flowers, then just as suddenly vanished. In its place was a neat pile of black cloth, along with boots, gloves, a belt, and a money pouch. _Thank you, Maechen,_ murmured the child. Auron thought he heard the faint trace of a voice saying "But of course," but it was gone before he could be certain. 

_Auron, I will command you if I must. We need you on the surface. You, and you alone, can calm the fury that will be unleashed in Spira before long. And all you need to do is keep a very important little girl from dying at the hands of those who would seek to destroy her. You are the only guardian who can. Not even the little girl's mother will be able, no matter how hard she tries. And if this girl is sacrificed, her blood will stain the entire world. A new Sin will be reborn. The spiral will begin anew. I cannot allow this to happen._

Once the message had sunk in, Auron fell to his knees and punched the ground, teeth gritted. He just punched with both fists again and again, crushing flowers and grass until his knuckles were stained with green pulp, and oh he wished he had something harder punch against so that his skin would break and his blood would flow and this rage would be emptied from his body. Yes, this is what it was to be young. To be himself as a man again, instead of dead and old. This passion was almost uncontrollable. And what he hated most was that he could not refuse, not because the Fayth would command him otherwise, but because he could not allow the spiral to return. Not after everything that had happened. Braska died seeking the end to that death. Jecht died for it. Yuna and all of her friends had nearly died for it. 

Tidus... he'd vanished, but two years ago, after Yuna defeated Vegnagun, Auron had watched while the Bahamut Fayth created the boy again from flesh and bone and that piece of the Fayth's mind which had dreamed up the Zanarkind blitzer. He'd seen through invisible eyes how the Fayth had ripped a part of himself painfully away, molded it with his own living memories of Shuyin's Zanarkand personality. The Fayth had then shoved the bloody ethereal mass into Tidus' body and sent the body flying through the Farplane sky into the oceans of Besaid. So Auron had seen how afterwards, the boy had cried, robbed of half his own soul until the day that Tidus would die a natural human death. 

But now, Auron knew, Tidus would be up there. The boy Auron had watched over for ten years would finally be truly happy, probably with Yuna, probably even married. And everyone Auron had ever loved, everyone whose lives had ever touched him, would be in danger if one little bitch weren't protected by a resurrected legendary guardian. The Fayth did not lie. Auron did not want to go. He could not go. He had to go. 

"Who. Tell me who will harm this girl, and I will kill him myself as soon as I get up there and keep her from ever being harmed. And I will let myself die as soon as it's over. I don't want your offered youth, or life, or breath, I want to sleep. Let me die in the process, or don't make me go. I..." He let out a shuddering breath, then caugh another mouthful. "I beg you. Please. Do not make me go." 

_You cannot cut this murder off at its source,_ said the Fayth, _for the one who may murder the girl is also one who will save her. The only way to save her is to live with her and protect her, as her guardian._

"Why?" he asked. "Why me? Why must I do this? Who is this girl? And who the hell could or would possibly summon a new damned _SIN_?" He was quaking, staring at the Fayth. He did not expect the answers he was given. 

_As to why, I cannot exactly say. The guardian must be you because of who you are, and what your experiences have made you. You must do this because it will protect Spira. And the girl... is Yuna's and Tidus' daughter, whose name I do not know. If this girl is killed by a fool's mistake, Yuna will summon the new Sin. In her anger and power as the High Summoner, Yuna, Daughter of Braska, will become the next Yu Yevon. And she will not only cause destruction and chaos in her wake once every ten years. She will destroy Spira. The people, the planet, and even the Farplane. Before turning on herself._

The man covered his face with his hands and laughed into them, his hair falling around his shoulders, bare back slumped over toward the ground. A thousand uncontrollable emotions flooded through him. Anger. Helplessness. Rage. Self-pity. Self-loathing. And so he laughed. He laughed until he screamed. It kept his face dry. 

Minutes passed, the Fayth standing calm and impassive as ever, and Auron curled naked on the ground. Finally, the man moved. Weakly, he stood and walked over to the pile of clothing. He dressed slowly, forcing himself into a numb calm by the normalcy of the routine. When he was done, he placed the pouch in the folds of his tunic. In another of its internal pockets, though, was a mask. He slipped it on, slid the cloth loops onto the hooks of the undercollar, and stared at the Fayth. 

"They are not to know who I am, I take it." 

_Precisely. This would change things. You are allowed to tell one person your true identity. Decide carefully who that person will be. Take your time. But to the rest... I suggest you decide upon a pseudonym._

He paused, watching as a crystalline road began to unfurl from the flowery field, leading from his feet to the surface. "I was dead, and I have been reborn. I'd almost forgotten how to breathe, and now I find I miss the air. So my name will be Lazarus."

* * *

So he had lied to Yuna the week before, when she "met" him anew. Rather than trekking from Bevelle, Auron-Lazarus had climbed the road from the Farplane, found himself in Luca, and spent all his money on a sword, a full sake jug, and a haircut. It made him smile to remember how that hairdresser had balked at his his high back collar and mask. He'd released the hooks for her, let the collar fall backwards, and had held the mask to his face the entire time. Goodness knew that it sparked a few rumors. 

Luckily, the S.S. Liki allowed free passage, and he'd sailed past Kilika to Besaid without trouble. The island had never felt like home to him, and it certainly did not now. Everything was too quiet. For years, he realized, he would have nothing to do. Why the Fayth had to send him here so long before the girl was born, he couldn't fathom. But the Fayth were always somewhat elusive. They'd help mortals to their own conclusions, but they wouldn't just give the answers away. 

Lazarus shoved his jug just beneath the mask, so that only a part of his chin was visble, and took a sip of his sake. That was the only thing helped by the warmth. For so long, he missed the way warm sake soothed him. Too often in Zanarkand, he'd tried to drink it the traditional way, only to find that it tasted cold and bitter. Hardly tasted like anything, really, except water with a kick. How Rin could stand to drink those tiny frosted-glass bottles he kept in an auto-blizzard box, Lazarus would never know. The box was an interesting invention, though. Some tiny Al Bhed mechanism cast Blizzard continually within a tight seal, keeping everything inside cool. Practical people, those Al Bhed. 

A sound interrupted him from his musings. A woman's breath, somewhere between a sigh and a moan. Lazarus did not bother looking. He grabbed his sword, stood and, without a word, stepped out of the tent and into the rainstorm. Being present during a time of chaste intimacy was one thing. But real intimacy... he shoved it out of his mind and stomped through wet sand toward the bridge that led through a small forest to the port. The fiends here were weak, but it would be something. He raised the sake bottle to his mouth and chugged, took as much of it in as he possibly could before doubling over, coughing and sputtering in the rain. The burn in his throat was nothing, but it made his arms feel a little weaker, mind a little number. He made a mental note to get stronger stuff. He'd need it, to survive just living here for so long. 

Another small swallow, calmer this time, and he clipped the bottle to the belt. Resting his terribly bland new sword on his shoulder, he began to pace along the road. The metal on his boots and gloves weighed him down, making him slower, but helped to build his slightly atrophied muscles at every movement. 

"Where the hell is Masamune when I need it?" he asked the rain, which answered by soaking entirely through his mask. 

Finally, the fiends seemed to catch his scent despite the rain, and a few pitiful-looking wolves came out to growl at the resurrected warrior. Lazarus ran with surprising ease at the first. The sword seemed lighter than it had in previous battles, though he had to use more of his bodyweight to make the swing. Most of the weight resided in the metal straps of the gloves on his forearms. The new clothing, though wet, hindered him less as well. As the first wolf disappeared into pyreflies, Laz gave a "hmph" of approval. This would do. He didn't feel as slow as he once was, though the Fayth had done well to restore even his musculature back to the day before he'd died. The man smirked faintly as he waited for the other two wolves to attack, ducking their shots. Tired of your smelly old sake-guzzling guardian? Try the New and Improved Lazarus! Only 1000 gil at your nearest Fayth retailer! 

He'd just finished off the second wolf, when a clanking mechanical sound made him turn. It was Rikku's airship... what did they call it? The Farenheit? Lazarus smiled. It looked like a huge version of a motorcycle he'd had to deny Tidus in Zanarkand. The ten-year-old had pouted for a week. 

The third wolf attacked while he was distracted, but Laz rolled his eyes at the minimal damage and countered, sending the fiend to the farplane. A few extra gil and two potions in the pockets of his tunic, one of which he went ahead and used on himself. Not bad, but not enough exercise for his tastes. When he turned to look at the airship, he could see that it had docked, but no one had yet left. Fine, he'd go to meet them. It would cure the boredom, at least. 


	4. Chapter 3: Of Taste

You get cookies if you can tell me what game I'm referencing in this chapter. And no, swiftfootede, you don't count. I know you know. 

**Warning:** This chapter contains non-graphic sexual content - however, it's not the kind you Generic Aurikku Fans may be expecting. Rather, it's one of the tiny keys to my perception of Lazarus' characterization. Please let me know what you think. I also don't think that the rating needs to go up _just_ yet, but if even one of you believes that I should change this to R, I will immediately.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Of Taste**

"Hey Paine, check it out. Some sillypants is hunting fiends in the rain." Big green eyes tried to focus on the shadow-shrouded "sillypants," but the windows of the Celcius were so splattered with rain and oceanwater from the landing that the hunter remained obscure. Whoever it was, was winning, clearly. The bright lights of the fiend's death floated away into nothingness, tiny pastel-colored twinkles against the backdrop of a waterfall. After the fiend had been killed, though, the figure seemed to move on. Perhaps the hunter had simply been running an errand, and had run into the fiends by accident. Whatever the cause, the shadow of the person she'd just mentioned had disappeared. 

The other woman rolled her eyes, leaned back against the headboard of the bed on which she'd been reading a letter, pencil behind her ear. Her silver hair was down for once, and she was wearing only a tee-shirt and a pair of loose cotton pants. _I could take a picture of her and sell it as art. Warrior On Her Day Off_, Rikku thought to herself, giggling. At the sound, Paine looked up, brushing wavy bangs from her face. "Sillypants, Rikku?" she asked, "Aren't you a little old to be using a phrase like that?" 

"Maaaaybe." The young woman grinned as she trailed out her word, then stuck out her tongue for good measure. "And maybe you're a ninny-ninny dumb-dumb poopie-head!" 

Paine made a sound of disgust in the back of her throat, but Rikku could tell from years of friendship that her eyes were twinkling. The Al Bhed left off watching the window for a moment and crouched down, making little clicking sounds with her tongue towards the floor. Out from under Paine's bed scampered a small white-furred monkey, who moved swiftly across the floor and into Rikku's waiting arms. Like most of his bretheren, he was a little theif, but she'd managed to train him to steal mainly from feinds and annoying Yevonites on command. With Issaru's help, Yuna had caught him in the Zanarkand Ruins when he was born, given him a bath and a collar, and presented him to RIkku for her nineteenth birthday four months ago. The only problem with the small monkey - whose name was Nall - was that he couldn't be around when she was in her Trainer outfit. Ghiki absolutely hated him, and when they first saw each other, they'd gone into a mad monkey rage. They were both very protective of their mistress. 

Once the tiny monkey was cradled in Rikku's arms, she whispered to him: "Nall, go say hi to Paine! She loves you! Give her kisses!" She kissed the monkey on the cheek to make sure he understood her, then plopped him onto the nearest bed, and turned around to watch the window again. 

Pause. 

"_Rikku!_" Paine yelled, "_Get this monkey off my face!_" When Rikku looked over, she almost burst into a fatal bout of laughter. Paine was trying desperately to get Nall off of her, but the little white monkey's blunt claws were caught in her sliver hair. Luckily, she knew better than to hurt her fellow sphere hunter's pet. After a few minutes of trying to detangle him without any progress, however, she just let go. With sullen red eyes, Paine and watched the creature as it hung from her head, planting tiny careful monkey kisses on her forehead, just as its mistress had commanded. "Yeah, yeah. Thanks for the affection. Now get off already so I can get back to my letter." 

"I bet that's what you say to all the boys," Rikku said, giggling. 

Paine smirked, and pulled the pencil from behind her ear to make a small mark on the letter in her lap, despite the monkey partially obstructing her view. "Only the stupid ones." 

"My monkey is not stupid!" The Al Bhed harumphed and stalked over to Paine, easily pulling each of Nall's claws from the other woman's hair. He happily crawled over the proferred arm, and was sitting on Rikku's shoulder before she could blink, draping himself limply over her shoulder for a midday nap. "See? Look how smart he is. He knows who loves him best in the whole world, isn't that right, Nall?" She blinked. He was already conked out, snoring softly and twitching his feet, dreaming monkey dreams. "Nall?" 

"Mm. So intelligent." Another mark on the letter, while she used her left hand to brush her hair back into some semblance of order. 

"He just sleeps the sleep of the innocent, that's all. Like babies do." She pouted for a moment, then moved softly to the other side of the room and put Nall into the enclosed wooden house that Cid had built for him to live in. Grumbling all the while about the "little theives" and how his daugher shouldn't be playing with "those flea-infested things." But it made his little girl happy, so despite the grumblings, he made what was in his opinion, "The best damn monkey house ever to hit Spira." And then wondered if he could patent the design for a healthy profit. 

Once Nall was asleep in his house, with its front door locked so that he couldn't scamper all over the ship causing trouble, Rikku walked over to Paine's bed and flopped down next to her friend. "Let's go now. We can just change with the garment grid, and all. I'm bored." 

"One," Paine murmured, "I'm busy. It was your idea to come visit Yuna, and I said it was fine because I've got nothing better to do than read up on the political tracts Nooj sends me for editing. I swear, you'd think LeBlanc would be good for something other than housewifery and stealing spheres." 

"Is she still hanging out at his place?" Rikku asked, leaning against the headboard and forcing Paine to scoot over so that they could both have room. "Mushroom Rock and all?" 

"Mm. They've been living together for a while now, but he doesn't mind her as much as you'd think he would. Apparently she's good at sweet-talking the Youth League into order. All of her goons joined up. Of course, now it's just kind of a revamped version of the Crusaders. Except they're Crusaders with no Sin to fight." Paine reached over to the small bookshelf between the beds and grabbed a bowl of mixed nuts, popping one into her mouth and chewing thoughtfully. "What they're fighting right now is chaos, he says. Rather than just being ruled by the Church of Yevon and nearby temple leaders, Spira's becoming a political madhouse. Baralai and Shelinda are doing all right on their end, but they've been meeting with Nooj to discuss a kind of separation... integration... thing. Like, so that everyone can be affiliated with religion without having to disassociate themselves with the Youth League. They're not rival gangs anymore, they're political parties. I don't think Baralai or Nooj want that. Something's got to give. We're too disoganized as a nation." 

Rikku waited a moment after Paine had finished talking, listening to the soft scratching sounds of graphite on paper. Sometimes it took an effort, not to understand Paine and Nooj's conversations on the infant Spiran political arena, but it took an effort... to care, really. Spira was in chaos, sure, but people still bought and sold things and everyone seemed to be okay. Nooj and Baralai took care of most of Spira, and Gippal, Khimari, and Cid took care of the rest, pretty much. Why did things have to be complicated at all? Why couldn't everyone just get along and be happy, without politics interfereing to get in the way? Their world wasn't as big as it seemed to most people who'd never been out of their little hamlets. Why _should_ it be so structured? 

"This is boring," Rikku murmured. "Let's go _do_ something, huh?" 

Paine waved a hand towards her companion as if she were brushing dust off a couch, engrossed in the document and her editions to it. "I am doing something. It's just not a something you care about. Go... dance or whatever, I don't know." 

"Fine!" Rikku pouted for a moment, folding her arms and sticking out her lower lip, scuffing her sneakers on the floor. When she thought about dancing, though, the young woman cheered a little, and walked over to the edge of the balcony on which the beds were placed, jumping expertly through the gap in the railing. "Barkeep, Darling... music!" She pointed at the ever-snuggling Hypello and waved with her other hand in a dramatic (if overused) motion. 

"Shure, Mish Rikku? Zhe ushual shong?" Barkeep moved his hand... slowly... toward the audiosphere player, watching her through his huge bulbous eyes to receive her approval. 

"Right-o!" A quick salute, and the button was pressed. She touched the garment grid in the pouch at her hip and transformed into her songstress outfit, relishing the silly frills, the almost-clashing orange and purple, the way it fit comfortably on her. Considering her normal apparel, the costume was downright modest. 

_What can I do for you?_

What can I do for you?  
What can I do for you?  
What can I do for you?  
I can hear you! 

Rikku almost couldn't believe that she still listened to this song. But it was just... so... happy! Of course, she knew the meaning behind the lyrics. Lenne's voice straining to get out of LeBlanc, to get through to Shuyin. Her promise that he'd never be alone as long as her soul existed. It was so sweet, and so happy, and... and... 

And Rikku danced. She spun and she kicked and she drew lines in front of her face and pulled the air to her chest and dropped to her knees, reaching up to the stars, punching invisible foes, tossing her head so that her braids rattled and her blood rushed in her ears, but never a pause in motion, never a moment to spare while she danced and got caught in the music, the lyrics, the movement and she-- 

--slammed herself backwards into the Cabin door. Funny, though. The door seemed awfully soft, for a door. Soft and wet. Like a big friendly Shoopuf. And wait, shouldn't it have opened automatically, leaving her tripping out onto the floor of the elevator hallway, rather than half-standing, half-leaning on... shit. It was someone, rather than something, wasn't it? 

"Pardon me," said the someone, and Rikku jumped away as if he'd been on fire. When she spun around, she realized who it was, and she couldn't help but laugh. Which, when one is already out of breath, can lead to sever coughing fits, as it did in this case. 

Lazarus raised an eyebrow and leaned his sword in a corner of the room before entering. Carefully, though, he made certain that there was no carpet to drip on. As it was, despite Buddy's assurances that it wasn't a problem, he felt guilty for perhaps ruining the carpet in the elevator. "I'm sorry. I was looking for a bathroom to dry off, and they told me to head toward the Cabin. I didn't realize this was the dance hall." 

Rikku's coughing subsided. _For a ninja class fighter, or whatever he is, this guy's kind of funny,_ she thought. The shortness of his hair led it all to stick straight up in all directions when wet, and his dark clothing stuck to his skin as if it had been painted on. But of course, despite the fact that he was very clearly dripping all over the place, the man wouldn't take off the mask. Even though it kept slipping down, heavy from the drenching. He continually had to push it back up over his nose, like a spherebrarian with ill-fitting glasses. 

"Manners, Rikku," Paine called from the bedroom loft, which made the Al Bhed slap her forehead, still breathing hard from both dancing and laughter. 

"Sorry about that. Um. Yeah. Bathroom's right there, past the bar. Don't go in the men's, though, go in the women's. No one else but us is here, and I doubt Buddy has a hairdryer. Though maybe Brother does, who knows?" A quick pause for breath, and she continued, "Our towels are probably cleaner, too. Just throw them in the hamper." 

"I thank you," Lazarus said, and headed in that direction, fussing with the touch-pad. Rikku had installed it years before, when she was worried about Brother's lecherous tendencies toward their mutual cousin Yuna. 

"Three-six-six-two," called Paine, clearing his confusion. Hell, Lazarus couldn't be that much of a nuisance anyway, whether or not he knew the code. Once he'd entered, however, she spoke in a lower voice. "Woman, get up here and leave the man alone." 

Rikku had clasped her hands behind her back and swayed from side to side, copying what she called Yuna's "sweet-n-thoughtful pose." Pointedly ignoring Paine's reprimand, she accessed her garment grid once more and changed back into her normal thief's outfit. 

"Rikku... if you're thinking what I think you're thinking--" 

The younger woman deepened her voice and, in as sultry a tone as she could manage, said, "You're in for the beating of your life." Then she laughed and stretched her arms above her head before racing to the bar and stepping on the seat before plopping herself on the countertop. 

Barkeep burbled and, like he always did, fussed over her position. "Zhat ish not shanitary, yesh? Pleashe remove your buttocsh from zhe bar?" 

"Yesh," she asknowledged, and spun around, hopping down to where Barkeep and Darling were standing. "May I trubbable yoo to make a shnowball?" she cooed, but of course did not wait for permission before she started up the small snow machine she'd swiped from Gippal's party the week before. He knew about it, of course, but not until after she'd taken it. The fact that he hadn't stolen it from the ship before they'd left clearly meant that he didn't mind. And if she'd been mistaken about that assumption, he was slower than she thought. 

Rikku's lips curled into her traditional cat-like smile as she let a big plastic cup fill up with artificial snow, poured sugary syrup over it, stuck a straw and spoon in. Just for grins, she made two. Paine didn't like the over-sweetness of the dessert, but maybe this new guy would. Besides, she needed the activity to take her mind off Gippal. Conversation with someone a little less stoic than Paine would be nice, too, but she doubted she'd get it from Yuna's baby's guardian. _Yuna's baby_, she thought. Rikku's butt wiggled in anticipation of the event. More babies to play with! Maybe she'd never have any of her own, but she loved babysitting Vidina. Maybe she could become a career aunt. Aunt Rikku's Sitting Service. Yeah. That'd be nice. 

Lazarus left the bathroom looking much more comfortable, the mask over his mouth once again dry and lying properly on his skin, his clothes looking less like paint and more like expensive silk. His gloves and boots were off, air-drying so that the leather would not remain damp against his skin, and he somewhat self-consciously padded barefoot into the cabin's main area. The belt, of course, stayed on. It kept his tunic closed, and anything else would be an utter breach of decorum. 

Seeing him, Rikku put a hand on the top of the counter and pressed down, using the momentum to propel herself from behind the bar. "Hey, Laz, want a snowball?" she asked, grabbing the two cups and holding them up. They seemed to be a little too cheerful for him, though. One was bright pink; the other, a shade of green so bright it nearly glowed. 

He paused, looking at her with suspicion glinting in red-brown eyes. "What are they?" 

Rikku giggled. "Snowballs, silly! Flavored ice. They're made by a new kind of machina. Want to try? I've got mint and berry." 

He paused, walking near her, feet making no sound on the ground. One hand lifted towards hers, hesitating, before it grabbed the cup filled with pink-colored ice. "I was never much one for mint," he murmured. "I thank you." 

"Dude," said the younger woman, rolling her eyes, "you can cut it out with the 'I thank you' business. Way too formal. Just say thanks, kay?" As she sipped on hers, watching him sit down, she grumbled to herself. "Is _everyone_ who's born in Bevelle this serious all the time?" 

"Yes," said the man, raising the cup to his lips. Then he paused. Long hands, calloused by the rough heaviness of a sword's hilt, grabbed at the spoon and stabbed the ice, breaking it up into a slush he could sip through the straw, which he deftly slipped beneath the mask, revealing nothing. 

The girl standing next to him giggled at his obsessive secrecy, and spooned her own sloppy sugary mess into her mouth, eating greedily, letting it melt in her mouth and leave behind the sweet burn of mint. Looking up, though, she saw Paine leaning over the railing to watch them, short silver hair falling forward to brush against her pale cheeks. There was a glimmer in her friend's eyes that she couldn't quite... no, wait, she did know that look. It was the warrior woman's "Aww, how cute" look. The one meant to piss Rikku off. And yeah, Rikku considered getting pissed, but decided this time it wasn't worth it. Lord, she was standing next to her cousin's lodger, and they were eating snowballs. Very quietly and happily, she might add. Though, considering the fact that the man next to her was always quiet... well, maybe it was kind of cute. But just a little. 

"This is..." the man paused, looking down at his drink. It was already halfway gone, Rikku noted, and she smiled. 

"Yes?" she prodded, poking his elbow. He seemed to twitch at the touch, pull just a little bit further away, as if it frightened him. _Mental note,_ Rikku told herself, _he's an okay guy, but it bothers him to be touched._

He looked over at her and quickly looked away, greedily sipping again on the snowball. A quick wipe of fingers under his mask to take care of anything on his lips, and he turned back to her. "This is one of the best things I've ever tasted." 

The girl grinned, and took a bar seat next to him. He shifted a little so that their elbows couldn't touch, but that was all right with her. Everyone had their little eccentricities, after all. "I'll make you another if the rain doesn't let up for a while. Though, I gotta ask, why were you out there in that mess?" A pause, and two events connected in her mind. She snickered. "Hunting fiends for fun and profit?" 

"Ah. You saw me." He took another sip, and the straw began to make bubbly sounds, catching air through the ice at the bottom of the cup. Putting it to the side, he seated himself better on the barstool, one arm resting in his lap, the other elbow behind him on the bar counter. "I was... giving my clients their privacy. That, and the cold air was a welcome change. I'm not used to the heat." 

Rikku winced, not at his comment about the heat - boy, he'd hate it back in Bikanel - but at the idea of the newlyweds' "privacy." To be honest, she didn't really like staying with them either. It was okay with Lulu and Wakka. They were just cute. But Yuna and Tidus? Downright mushy, all the time. She could've sworn she heard them having sex once when she and Paine had slept over. But then Paine had rolled over and mumbled, "Damn loud frogs, let a girl get some sleep already" and it made Rikku feel a little better about the creaking noises she kept hearing. 

"Well hey, why don't you stay here for a bit? I mean, we've got the extra room now that Yunie's gone, and you only need to be the guardian to the baby herself, right? So hang out and party! Unless Gippal decides to crash and fly around with us. He's been doing that a lot lately." It almost made her blush to think of it, and she smiled her cat-smile again. Gippal. She'd been crushing on him for longer than she could remember, and it looked like finally, _finally_, he was starting to want to spend time with her. Well, her and the whole gang really, but who was she to argue? Just being around him made her feel so anxious and happy and scared that she was almost sick to her stomach. "It's not love," Paine said once, "it's influenza." But Rikku knew differently. And someday, maybe she and Gippal could be just like Lulu and Wakka. That best friend kind of relationship. With lots of cuddling involved. And maybe one kid. Just one, though. If any. Rikku was too much of a kid herself to ever give serious thought to motherhood. And she had the feeling that if she allowed Gippal to breed, Paine would kick her ass. 

Lazarus shifted again, folded his hands in his lap and studied them as he considered her offer. It was certainly a possibility. He needed to get away from the couple - and while it was possible that the little girl could be injured by someone in the womb, he was certain that that was not what the Fayth meant. 

And after all, there was still the issue of Tidus' and Yuna's intimacy. Ever since one particular experience he'd had on Yuna's pilgrimage, any open displays of sexuality between others made him want to die all over again, or at least run and hide. It had been hard staying in the young couple's tent for a week. He ate alone, slept alone, and walked about during the day, practicing the art of fighting while the Aurochs practiced blitzing. And there was no chance he'd stay in Wakka's and Lulu's larger tent. Not after that night.

* * *

Late evening, Macalania forest. The threat of Seymour out of the way, but everyone had been drained by the journey, body and mind. It was visible in their faces. It tore at his heart, and he shivered constantly, glad for the slight warmth of his coat. When Tidus approached him, he could only proclaim his fatigue, and slump into a more comfortable position. 

Yuna had run off, and Khimari went to protect her. Tidus, of course, had gone after the girl. After a few minutes had passed, Rikku curled up on the ground and went to sleep, folding her thin arms under her head in an attempt at comfort. Lulu and Wakka spoke quietly. When he leaned in toward her ear, Auron looked away, through the trees toward the sphere pool. Everything glimmered in that direction, and he thought he heard the tinny, simpering voice of his friend's daughter. She was in pain. Of course she was. She'd been in pain for most of her life, and had borne it like a true heroine. If she'd wanted to stop, if even then she'd wanted to run away to somewhere safe like Besaid or Sanubia, he wouldn't have kept her from her desires. His duty to Spira ended with that girl. He wished on all his severed dreams that Tidus was there with her, giving her the comfort that not even her closest friends could give. 

When Auron looked back toward the group, he realized that Lulu and Wakka were gone. Rikku was still asleep, curled into a tiny ball of orange leather and gold skin. It made him smile. She was so like Tidus sometimes that they could be siblings. Probably why they'd never been strongly attracted to each other. Two hyperactive flighty blondes? No. Tidus had to go for the strong, quiet brunette who was always thinking about others. All they shared, really, was the same naïveté. And Rikku? Rikku was only fifteen. Hardly at an age to be thinking of romance. Even though Auron did have the feeling she had a small and impossible crush on him, the way she always yelled at him not to be so mean. Or maybe that was actual dislike for his toughlove tactics. Not as though it mattered much, since he'd be going to the Farplane soon enough any-- 

He heard a noise that startled him, and his sword was instantly in his hand. It sounded like a scream, and as he played back the moment in his mind, he was certain that it had been a woman in pain. His one good eye scanned the trees before him, listening with all his might for any hint of a direction. Then another small scream came, and he dashed off to his right. A few branches hit him in the face, but he didn't care. It had to be Lulu, and by all that was holy, Lulu's cool demeanor would not allow a scream to slip through unless she were practically dying. 

He stopped between two cold trees, having lost track of the direction. Damned univision always took away his perspective. No wonder he couldn't hit anything without practicing for hours, and even then, almost all of the fiends stayed in a neat line right in front of the guardians. 

Then, a low male groan sounded jut a little ways from his shoulder. He turned to look... 

And ran straight back to the camp, his heart racing. Branches slapped his upper cheeks, his nose, anything not protected by the wide collar, but he didn't care. _Shit... **shit**!_ And oh, ye fayth and aeons, this was not something he expected or needed or wanted to have burned into his retina, into his mind. As soon as he got back to the small clearing, he slowed his pace. Rikku still lay there, safe from the fiends and innocent of everything. Auron stopped, and sat down, laying aside his sword and yanking down at his collar so that he could put his hands to his face. 

_The dead cannot quicken_, he told himself, _I can control this. I can get this out of my mind with no problems. I can look at my fellow guardians in the same way I ever have. They will not know I saw, and I will forget. I will forget._ But the more he told himself to forget, the clearer the pictures became, the more of them flew through his mind. And more than that, he was so ill-prepared for it that became uncomfortable almost instantly, what little blood he had rushing to a place he did not want it to be. 

It had been ten years since he'd even thought of sexuality. It simply had never been a large part of his life, even before he'd died. Certainly, there were those among the older Zanarkand women that found him attractive, but he paid them no attention and attended to the duty of raising Jecht's son in place of a real father or mother. Physical pleasure held no value, so he'd almost forgotten it existed. 

It felt like pain, now. Auron groaned into his hands, willing the thoughts to disappear. Willing himself to stop thinking that he just needed something, anything, to take this sudden desire away. And if he tried to get rid of it the old-fashioned way... 

Maybe everyone else would be gone for long enough, but he had Rikku to think of. If he left her for too long, even this safe area would be swarming with fiends, and she'd be prone and defenseless. But if she woke up in the middle of his... attempt at release, as far as he knew she could be scarred for life. 

Instead, he pulled his sword arm from his coat and sat on both hands, and just stared at the girl. Watched the rise and fall of her breath, the way her large green eyes moved beneath the lids. He could very well be her father, he realized. The math was about right. If, like Braska, he'd settled down with a kind and exotic Al Bhed woman when he was in his twenties, this girl could have been his child. And the way he scolded her, cold-shouldered her when she was irrationally frightened. It was exactly the way he'd treated Tidus as a child, until the boy learned to live for himself. 

Auron's breath calmed, his heartbeat slowed. Everything inside him became less painful and blue. Even when Lulu and Wakka returned to camp, carefully dressed and clean of all traces of their sudden but expected romance, Auron kept staring at the sleeping child. Picturing her life. Picturing the grandchildren that would have been his, had he decided to marry. And though it made him halfway regret his decision to live like a monk all his life, the pictures in his mind seemed to bring peace. Yes, he realized, he'd been trying to act as a father figure during the entire pilgrimage. And he would continue to do so. If by his actions and his words, she would become a stronger person, he'd continue to let her dislike him. Or like him, he cared not. As long as she benefited. As long as she grew. 

He relaxed and fixed his collar, returned his sword arm to his coat where it would no longer be tempted into an indecency, and relaxed while he watched his two other surrogate children enter the camp together, blushing and in love. Thank heaven for little girls.

* * *

Though she'd not known it, Rikku had saved him then. Lazarus looked to the girl, a woman now really, and smiled. Maybe she couldn't see his mouth, but he'd been told by Braska that whenever he really genuinely smiled, that the corners of his eyes crinkled pleasantly, even before he'd begun to age. "I'd love to stay here. Thank you." 

The woman in question tilted her head. Was he smiling? Hey yeah, he was. _Wow,_ she thought, _not as touch-me-not as I'd expected._ In response, she grinned, holding up her plastic cup of mostly-eaten green stuff in a kind of salute. "Then welcome aboard!" 

The man's head bent down, peeking at her from beneath his lashes, and he started to chuckle. Clearly at her expense, though. Rikku narrowed her eyes. 

"Hey, what's so funny?" 

"Your lips are green." 

She blinked in surprise, then started to laugh. Full-out laughter, so exuberant and happy that she had to put her cup down and hold her abdomen after a while. Really, he hadn't thought it was that funny, but seeing her reaction, he had to chuckle too. Same old Rikku. He'd never know how she managed it. Home for a week and for the first time, he felt like things were settling into place. And the snowballs... he could get addicted. The uncomfortable heat of his body was immediately eased, as soon as he'd tasted one. 

And for just a moment, he actually wanted to be alive and young. He liked it. It was... fun. 


	5. Chapter 4: Of Conversation

**Chapter 4: Of Conversation**

Over a month had passed since the dark stranger Lazarus had come to Besaid with the express intent of guarding High Summoner Yuna's child, and already he was considered an official member of the Gullwings. Whenever Yuna and Tidus were too busy to babysit Vidina, the task fell to Lazarus. Much to the warrior's chagrin, the young boy loved Laz and began to dress up in black clothes and mask, peeking from behind rocks on the beach and calling himself a Ninja. His new favorite game was to attack small things with a wooden sword. Small things like crabs, blitzballs, boxes, and girls named Rikku. 

The man seemed to be enjoying himself, in his silent way. He never complained of babysitting duty, and unlike Wakka, he was able to make the boy clean up his entire room on command, something only Lulu had been capable of previously. Once, when the boy had roughhoused a little too much in Yuna's tent and broken a picture sphere of the couple, Lazarus simply stood over him and stared, utterly silent, until Vidina was in tears. The man then patted the boy on the head, fixed the sphere, and ended up flat on his back from the kid's wealth of love for making everything okay. He apologized fiercely to Aunt Yuna, even tried his best Uncle Laz bow. Yuna took a sphere of the boy bowing and replaced the former, not-quite-fixed sphere in that way. 

Yuna herself didn't care at all. She was in a state of swooning bliss. Her belly was getting more and more full by the day, and now that she was in her second trimester, she was giddy from the reality of the whole thing. Her mood swings were only in the mornings usually, so most of her family could leave her alone for those hours, and she didn't get many cravings save Guadosalam fruits and berries, which the Gullwings were more than happy to pick up for her. 

"Cravings spring from internal needs," explained Lazarus one morning, on seeing Tidus cringe at Yuna's hearty appetite. "In order to grow inside of her, the child needs vitamins and nutrients. The fish and bread diet she usually takes in from living here is providing enough, in one respect. Fiber and protein and such words that some progressive white mages like to throw around. The fruit provides the rest. She only wants it because it's what's best for her and her child." 

Tidus had stared in open-mouthed admiration, before grinning and punching Laz in the shoulder. "Hey! That's pretty cool! Where'd you learn that?" 

Lazarus had only grunted and walked away. 

He was living at week-long intervals on the Celcius and in Tidus and Yuna's small guest room, both of which were slowly becoming more familiar. He no longer woke in the middle of the night, neither due to the Besaid night sounds nor the Celcius' mechanic hum and muffled speech. In fact, both had become rather soothing in their own ways. Often in Besaid, he could count the crickets and frogs surrounding the tent simply by the volume and nearness of their sounds. There were fewer fiends than there had been during the time of Sin, so he didn't have to stand guard at all. On the Celcius, there were no animal noises unless one could count Brother. His bed was in the mens' section, so he heard Brother every time the man spoke in his sleep. Now and then, the blonde would be either thanking or apologizing to some bird. It was very peculiar, but Lazarus wasn't particularly interested in finding out the story behind the words. Buddy agreed that it wasn't something he really felt like telling anyone again. 

While he worked during his weeks in Besaid, he mostly just cut loose while he stayed with the Gullwings. If one could call going on expeditions and eating a snowball every night "cutting loose." On the whole, he enjoyed Paine's company more than anyone's. Likely, his friendliness with her was due to their similarities. While Rikku, and occasionally Brother, danced around the ship like maniacs and got drunk with Gippal at every available opportunity, Lazarus and Paine mostly stayed in the Cabin with Barkeep, conversing about Spiran politics. He'd been surprised immediately about how knowledgable she was concerning the running of a country, considering the nation's general ignorance on the subject. He figured that it was likely because of her stoic and logical mind as well as the fact that she was a neutral party with confidential information coming from all three current leaders, all of whom trusted her explicitly, even perhaps more than they trusted each other. 

"I've stopped accepting the tracts Nooj sends me," she said, taking a sip of something that smelled strongly of alcohol and herbs. "I already reviewed pretty much everything that I could have, but he keeps delivering more and more to the ship. Honestly, it's beginning to all sound the same. The partis have kind of reached an impasse. People like shopkeepers don't notice, of course, because sales are apparently skyrocketing." She sipped at her glass again then set it down in front of her, making small rings of condensation on the countertop. Her other arm was folded in front of her, and her posture was relaxed, but somehow she did not look comfortable. "I mean, there's a very specific reason we have to get all of this figured out as quickly as possible." 

Lazarus stirred his dark blue snowball. Finally, he'd discovered a flavor that wasn't nearly so... feminine. Still sweet, still cold, but at least it wasn't fruity and pink. "Naturally. Overpopulation." 

"Exactly," she murmured, motioning to Barkeep to light a stick of incense. Since the temples had fallen into decline, the musky-smelling armoa sticks had become popular as household deodorants. Rin's idea, naturally, but he kept most Yevonites from finding out the origin of the idea in case old habits held too well. "I commissioned Tobly to have his Huge Horde of Hypello travel around Spira and take a census. In babies alone, the population has already doubled, and there's no Sin to kill anyone off. As much as I and everyone else hates to admit it, the destruction of our worst nightmare has caused problems in itself." 

Lazarus shook his head and sipped on his addiction, trying not to pay any attention to the commotion behind them. Rikku had gotten bored with hunting spheres and fiends, and had decided to play hostess to several of her old friends. Only Gippal, Maroda,and Calli had been able to attend something with such little planning, so instead of actually having a party, they were seated around a cheap square table playing cards. 

"Cheat, cheat! You are SO bluffing, Gippal," Rikku squealed. 

"Afraid not, girl. Read 'em and weep. All these lovely cards to you, little girl!" There was the sound of thin cardstock on wood, then a high-pitched growl of frustration. 

Laz chuckled a little and looked to Paine. "Those two never stop, do they?" 

"Afraid not," said the younger warrior, turning halfway around in her seat, before getting up to watch. She almost always ended their conversations in that way. If they were talking and she became interested in something else, she just stopped speaking about anything else and moved toward where her interest took her. It somehow left Lazarus feeling unfulfilled. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and seeing no other choice, also stood up to watch the game. It was a fairly simple cardgame called Cheat. The youngest member started off the play, and each of four people was dealt one-fourth of the 60-card deck, which contained four suits numbered one through fifteen. The object was to cheat without getting caught, and get all the cards out of one's hand. 

Rikku had banned Lazarus and Paine from the game, since one or the other constantly won, and games between the two of them tended to last in hours-long stalemates. 

When neither of the two joined, however, Rikku usually won and gloated over the fact. The fact that she currently held almost the entire deck in her small hands was driving her into stupid mistakes, which only lessened her chances of catching back up. 

Suddenly, Lazarus noticed something, and his quick eyes zoomed in on a tiny motion that he almost thought he imagined. But there it was. When Paine passed by Gippal on her way to pick up a chair on the side of the room, her fingers subtly brushed the back of his neck. And the proof was there in the Al Bhed's face, which was now turning a slight shade redder. 

The masked man winced. He'd been suspicious before, but now it was confirmed. Certainly, Gippal visited the Gullwings often, but despite Rikku's constant flirting, he acted no differently toward her than he would a child, which she certainly no longer was. The girl assumed that now that she was legal age for marriage by both Yevonite and Al Bhed standards, her childhood crush had finally decided to court her. But it couldn't have been that, since dating was allowed by both cultures, and Gippal had shown no interest in dating her or even spending much time alone with the girl, no matter how obvious her care for him was. 

The truth was, he'd been gradually spending more and more time with Paine, often going away for meetings with her on the pretext of speaking to Nooj and Baralai about politics. Lazarus' eyes narrowed. They were clearly keeping their relationship a secret in order to protect Rikku, but if she found out, she would be heartbroken. Not only were their actions hurtful, they were shadowed and dishonorable. 

"Paine," he said, staring over at the woman, whose red eyes widened at the sudden quiet anger in his voice. Perhaps she realized her error, perhaps not. She was young and likely more impassioned than she ever had been. "I'd like to speak with you on the deck. If you'll follow me." Then, without bothering to see if she obliged him, he swept from the cabin and took the short ride up the elevator to the deck. 

Though there was no ulterior motive to meet on the deck - it truly was a quiet, secluded place in which to talk - Lazarus had to admit he enjoyed going there. It was particularly spectacular at night, when they were far from the lights of large cities like Luca. His eyes would be swallowed by the view of millions stars, land masses only twinkling far below them. If it wasn't so dangerous to sleep out here, due to the risk of falling right off the ship and to certain death, he would. It really wouldn't be a bad death, after all. It would simply cut his mission short, and cause the Fayth no small amount of grief. 

The sliding hiss of the elevator door opening interrupted his musings, and he heard the slow click of high heels on metal. "You wanted to speak to me?" 

"Yes," Lazarus said, crossing his arms in front of him. It was the closest approximation the man could get to his old stance of arm-in-coat. "I want you to tell her." 

"Tell who what?" she asked, staying behind the man. Her toes softly tapped on the deck as the stars flew by, engulfing them in crystalline speckles and cool dark air. She was obviously nervous. Yuna would be tickled. Here was someone who could intimidate the ever-impregnable Paine. 

"I know you and Gippal are attracted to one another. Tell Rikku before she finds out on her own," he said simply, awaiting the younger woman's reaction. It came precisely as expected. 

"Like hell I will. You know how much that would hurt her? Damnit, it'd kill her," Paine spat, stomping forward and whirling around so that Lazarus could face the full brunt of her outrage. "I don't even know if this is real or not. I mean, we've all been friends for years. Why should I want Gippal now, huh? And why should he want me after all this time?" She waved her arm violently, cutting the air between them. "If it lasts, sure, of course I'd tell her. He's not even officially courting me, since it's such a big deal to the Al Bhed. This could end tomorrow. I'd be fine with it, Gippal would get over it, and then he'd be free to date Rikku, which _could_ work. See?" She slapped a hand to her forehead, shuddering with the weight of her emotions. "Hell, we haven't even kissed. We've only talked." 

The warrior remained unmoved. "That may be so. However, it may last. And how much will you hurt she who is like a sister to you if Gippal does begin to court you with no warning?" He sighed, and dropped his arms, staring hard at the woman. "You are too much like most of your male friends to find any variety in conversation. It'd be as if your friend Nooj became your spouse. The two of you would speak of politics and likely nothing more. Gippal adds to you. I've seen too many young people fall in love to disregard the signs." 

"Ugh. You're like Yuna. Both of you are right all the damn time and it aggravates the hell outta me." Paine cringed and shook her head, folding her arms so that she could warm her bare shoulders. "Then what do I do?" 

"You write your own story with the person you may find brings you happiness. But first, you share your discovery with your friend. It will benefit you all." A pause, as he considered. "You and Gippal should tell her. Both of you. Not now, necessarily. Ask her to speak to the both of you, and tell her without trying to break it to her gently. She'll know you aren't trying to hurt her. And she'll respect you for your honesty." Lazarus raised and eyebrow and began to walk past her, toward the elevator. "You've known her far longer than I. I should think you'd know this." The elevator door swished closed behind him, as he left Paine alone to think. 

When he returned to the cabin, four faces were pinned on him. Gippal's was worried. Calli's was confused and, if Lazarus would be so presumptuous as to say, a little vapid. Maroda was interested, but didn't seem to really care. And Rikku? 

The girl jumped up from her seat and began to paw at the air in front of her. She looked like a squirrel. It was a peculiar habit to associate with excited speech, but she was no more peculair than Tidus, who had a rhythm of waving his arm twice in front of him then once to the side. Continually. For hours, if that's how long it took him to finish a speech. "Ooh! You and Paine had a private conversation... do I sense some sparks of loooooooove? Huh, Laz? Do I?" 

The poor girl. She had no idea, and because of her ignorance, she was making all kinds of conclusions that would only hurt her in the end. Despite his internal sympathies, however, Lazarus kept his face still as stone, and he stared at Rikku until she'd calmed down somewhat. He then said, "No," and went back to his half-finished snowball. 

Her face fell, but at least she seemed to believe him. With a shrug, she sat back down and tossed down her last four cards. "Two of Shiva, two of Magus, two of Anima, and two of Bahamut. I win!" 

Instead of groaning with the others, Gippal continued to stare at Lazarus, as if he was trying to burn holes in the other man's tunic with his one healthy eye. It was lucky that Rikku didn't notice, since she was so giggly at having won her second game of the night. Besides, Maroda and Calli were doing enough groaning for Gippal. They were both about to leave anyway, though, so it wasn't so bad. 

As Lazarus sat and finished his now-melted snowball, the rest of the group said their goodbyes, Paine included, once she'd come down from the deck. Rikku tried asking her friend what the conversation was about, but Paine wasn't about to spill, and Rikku was used enough to her friend's elusive tendencies to know when to leave it alone. After all, she'd spent two years working her way up to twenty respect points. She wouldn't dream of throwing a few away on a conversation that she might hear about later anyway. If she was good.

* * *

Two nights after the card game, the Gullwings flew down to Gagazet to fight fiends for a few extra gil. They'd been running low due to constant purchases of Guadosalam fruit, and Brother refused to let Yuna pay them back for it. Luckily, the crush he'd had on his first cousin had dwindled into the kind of brotherly affection he showed Rikku. The change greatly relieved everyone who knew about his rather sick fascination. 

Khimari had made a fire for them just inside of the entrance to the cave. When he passed Lazarus, he breathed deeply and looked into the fighter's left eye, then passed by without a word. It was only natural that the Ronso figured it out, of course. Lazarus had expected no less of his friend. Nonetheless, he figured that he still had one person he could tell verbally about his identity. Intuition was not a mentioned part of his exchange with the Fayth. 

At any rate, Lazarus kept himself away from the fire, enjoying the cold snowy breezes that floated through the cave to chill his skin. While Brother and Buddy circled overhead like some great red buzzard, Lazarus fought the stronger fiends of the Gagazet mountains alongside Paine and Rikku. Their garment grids truly were fascinating, and though he was forced to remain a warrior, Paine and Rikku continued transforming, just to check how effective their abilities still were after having rusted somewhat from disuse. Whereas Paine remained in one class for a few battles at a time, Rikku couldn't stop changing, seemed to do it at least twice during each confrontation. When Paine finally changed from Black Knight to Lady Luck, Lazarus had to rip his eyes away from the woman's overexposed skin just to defend himself from a dragon-class monster's attack. He wasn't sure what the name of this particular one was, but all of those names were in the bestiary file back on the ship, so what did he care? He'd had enough trouble during Yuna's pilgrimage, keeping track of monster names just so that he could work toward his ultimate weapon. Stupid monster arena. 

Two hours later, the three of them were drenched in sweat, and Rikku slipped a charm bangle onto her wrist so that they could all get back to the fire without worrying over extra encounters. Once they got there, though... 

"Hey," called Gippal, holding up his left hand. The right held a stick on which he'd stuck various pieces of meat and vegetables, probably snuck from the Celcius' auto-blizzard box. Lazarus raised an eyebrow and Rikku ran towards the food with a grateful smile on her features. Unfortunately, since she was dressed as a black mage, it was rather hard to run, and her heels scuffed on the stone ground with a muffled clacking sound. 

"Cool! Food! Thanks, Gippal," she said and rubbed his head, taking a few pieces of already-cooked meat from a tray he'd brought out to hold the finished product. Paine, on the other hand, walked slowly toward the other two, stopping midway. She gave an imploring look to Lazarus. 

So, they were finally going to take him up on his advice. So be it. He tried for a moment to think of some plausible excuse for him to walk away, but realized that anything he said would be a lie, and she'd know it in the end. So instead, he hefted his sword over his shoulder. He'd finally been able to get something with a decent edge, and Rikku worked with Gippal to customize it with a few extra effects that, as Rikku said, "chop fiends up real good!" Something to do with designer wallets she'd been saving up. How she could fit a few dozen wallets into a sword, he didn't know and didn't care to ask. 

"Where's he going?" he heard her ask as he walked toward the entrance and out into the snow. And waited. After a few minutes, he found himself shivering. Well, so it was possible. After burning up from the sweat that he hadn't stayed by the fire long enough to dry, it was gelling against his skin. Even that, though, wasn't the empty coldness of death. When he breathed in, he felt almost faint from the thinness of the atmosphere, but as his heartbeat slowed, he felt his blood pumping hard and true, felt the faintness give him a buzz in his brain. Even the sharp fall that would await him if he misplaced his feet gave him a rush. Life was a peculiar thing, but it could feel so good. And before, the last time he'd been here, it was all distant. He could see, he could fight, he could speak. But none of it seemed real, like a prolonged dream. When he'd gone to the Farplane and gone to sleep, it was just like an extension of that half life he'd been experiencing. All that time, helping Tidus and Yuna to their ultimate goals, it was so phony. As he strengthened, learned new skills, gave advice and rested along with the others in Rin's traveling agencies to recuperate from battles on the road... none of it was real, and none of it made him happy. There was no enjoyment in anything. He was just moving. It was like sleeping. It was wrong, and every minute of every day, he knew it. 

Not like now. Now, a prick in the shoulder from a lizard's bite sent shockwaves to his brain and made him intensely aware of everything in his body. Standing still made him realize his heartbeat, and the longer he concentrated on himself, the more he felt inside of himself, the pulse of arteries in his arms, his legs. His groin sometimes, unfortunately, but that was one thing he'd learned to ignore for most of his life anyway. And here, standing here, bathing in the intense cold that pricked his bare arms and chilled the air in his lungs, froze the sweat in his clothes and beneath his gloves and boots, he couldn't help but lust after the sensation. It was real. It was real and awake and alive, and he was no longer walking in a dream. 

A sound behind him made him spin, sword at the ready, but it was only Paine and Gippal. They both looked worse for the wear, and there were unaccustomed tears standing out in Paine's eyes. She looked at Lazarus, fists balled at her sides, and sofly said, "She wants us to be happy. She didn't say anything. Just that she wanted us to be as happy as we could be." 

"And that if we didn't take care of her, she'd kick both our asses," added Gippal, giving a forced half-smile. He gulped and put a hand on Paine's arm, pulling the woman closer to him. "I was so sure she'd be mad or upset or something. She's probably really hurt inside, but it didn't show at all, you know?" 

Lazarus nodded. "She's still back there?" he asked, jerking his head in the direction of the cave's entrance. 

Paine nodded, and folded her arms, leaning into Gippal's shoulder. "I said we were going back to the ship, and she said she wanted to stay. I don't think I could face her for very long just now, anyway. I keep expecting her to blow up. She has every right to." 

Lazarus looked at the two for a moment, then sidestepped Gippal and walked toward the fire without a word. They'd leave soon enough, anyway. A lizard tried jumping out at him, but he swung his sword once and stepped right though the glitter of pyreflies that had been the body of the fiend. Rikku was in fact still sitting by the fire, her hands clasped in front of her, face dry. The food was still there, and he supposed that her appetite had disappeared when she'd heard the news. 

Silently, the warrior sat down next to her, putting his sword to the side. They sat like that without speaking, and Lazarus picked up a few bites to eat. He realized that she was trying to numb herself, to not care somehow, but it wasn't working. Her big green eyes were squinted, thin lips pursed in an unnaturally sour expression. Lazarus looked away to roll his eyes, then looked back at her and placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. "You're allowed to cry," he murmured. 

So she did. Rikku let out a sound that sounded like a cough, and the wetness slipped down her face. Without asking permission, she turned and leaned her forehead to his shoulder, burying her face in her hands. Quiet sobs shook her entire body as the wind made her tremble, and in this cold, that was saying something. With a silent curse, Laz reached out further and rested his arm on her back to give her some amount of comfort and warmth, letting her lean forward on his chest. _Ye fayth and aeons_, he thought, _how can she stand this? They can probably smell me all the way to the Farplane._

But the girl didn't seem to notice or care. She just let her quiet crying fade into soft coughs, then stillness. After a few moments, she pulled back. Her thin lips were pressed together, eyes a little red, but she was certainly none the worse for wear. "Thanks," she said, wiping her arm across her face as she stared at the chest she'd just been holding onto. "I'm sorry if I kind of... you know... lost it. And got you all wet." 

He looked at her then removed his arm from her back, folding his hands in his lap while he looked at the still-burning fire. Ronso fires were well-made. This one, he knew, could burn for hours. "Number one," said Lazarus, "You 'lost it' because I offered you the opportunity. Which you needed. Number two, I was already all wet, so tears and snot isn't any worse than male sweat." When he looked back at her, she paused for a moment, then laughed a little. Rikku already seemed back to her normal self. 

Her braids jangled as she shook her head, staring down into the fire. "It was surprising, that's all. And I did kind of feel rejected. But really, it wasn't me, it was just... Gippal loves Paine, is all. His happiness was someone else. I could never fault him that. And especially not her. God, I'd be surprised if she was completely immune to his charms." Now that everything was okay again, she grabbed a veggie from the tray of food and popped it in her mouth. After a few thoughtful chews, she looked up at Lazarus and lightly punched him in the arm. "You're such a dad, you know that? I'm surprised you don't have any kids of your own. Unless you've got some you aren't telling us about." 

Lazarus turned to her, a piece of meat halfway to his mouth, and the effect of his surprise sent Rikku into a short giggling fit. Honestly, the fact that she said that was a compliment. He'd always seen himself as kind of a father to Tidus and Yuna, in place of his friends, but along Yuna's pilgrimage, he came to secretly care for all of her guardians - save Khimari, who was an adult in Ronso terms. Not that he'd ever show it, but he tried to stand up for those who needed it, whip some sense into those who needed it. The fact that he'd known more practical information about Yuna's pregnancy than Tidus did surprised even him. He still had to ask, though. "Why do you say that?" 

"Well," she began, holding up her fingers to tick off the points as she spoke, "You told Paine what she needed to do about the Gippal thing. You held me when I was crying, even though I _know_ you don't like being touched. You take care of Tidus and Yuna when you're down there better than those two take care of themselves. You help with all our stuff as the Gullwings. And you do all of it without complaining, without really enjoying it, and without needing really anything in return." She smiled. "I mean, all of that stuff could just mean that you're a really good guy, but it sounds really daddy-ish to me." 

He blinked. The girl was more observant than she'd ever let on. "I suppose so. I don't have any children, though. Do you think that what I do could be strictly from a sense of duty, perhaps? I am doing what the Fayth commanded me." 

Rikku shook her head and reached out to pat her hand on his knee. It was a peculiar sensation through the thin cloth, but he chose to ignore it. "If you were doing what the Fayth commanded, strictly out of duty, you wouldn't even have shown up at Yunie's doorstep until the announcement had been made that she'd given birth. No, you care about her. About all of us. It's love." Rikku grinned and folded her hands together in her lap, swaying a little from side to side. "You don't even know us that well, but you love us because you've adopted us as your people. That's partly why I invited you to be a Gullwing." 

Lazarus nodded, slowly, now even more aghast at her sense of observation. Though she couldn't detect his scent like Khimari, Yuna's youngest guardian was the closest to discovering who he was, just because of his actions. Laz was impressed. He'd never expected she'd grow up so much. Though... watching her swaying around in her seat as if she was dancing to some unheard music, one would still think she was a child. "Thank you," he said. "I'm honored you think of me in that way." 

Rikku rolled her eyes. "It's because you _are_ that way." A pause. "Though, to be honest, I really thought you'd like Paine. She's like you, y'know? And you two talk all the time. You could probably be better friends with her than, say, you and I could be. You have more to say to her." 

Lazarus shrugged. "We have common interests. That is all. To be honest, I consider you a better friend." It was so simple, the way he said it. So natural. He didn't even think about the words. But when he said them, and went over them in his mind... yes, it was true. She'd become a companion, rather than someone who needed to be guarded. A friend. Like Jecht and Braska. 

And the way she reacted cinched it. "Really?! That's _great_!" The girl pounced him, knocking him back a little with an excited hug around the waist. He chuckled a bit, and not sure what else to do, patted her on the head as she disentangled herself. "I'm glad, Laz. I'm really glad you think of me as a friend. Wow, I feel like I've passed some big test or something." She grinned, clapping her hands and bending over a little. "You just look so unapprochable, I didn't think I'd gained your respect, much less your friendship. That's cool." 

"Why wouldn't you have my respect?" he asked, picking up a bit of the food and watching the fire smoke, as it curled in the air and dispersed. 

"Well, I didn't know, see? Some people need to see more of a person to respect them, some people need less. And the way I figure it, relationships evolve in stages, like. First there's respect. What they do, how they act, what they've accomplished or want to accomplish. Then there's friendship. Just general, I-like-to-hang-around-this-person kind of stuff. Then there's love. And I don't mean squishy love, just the kind where you'd do things to make sure the other person stays happy and alive and well-fed, stuff like that. Lending gil or putting someone up or even risking your life. That's love. That's what I think all the high summoners must've felt for this planet, tremendous respect and friendship and love. Just for everyone here." She wrinkled her nose and picked up one of the ends of her multicolored scarf, playing with the edges, checking for frays. "That's partly why I didn't want the summoners to die. They had all this love for Spira, and Spira wasn't showing any love back for the summoners by wanting them to live. They just willingly accepted a human being with all this love, killing themselves. It was stupid. Anyway, I'm kind of going on a tangent, aren't I?" 

Lazarus only nodded, thinking back for a moment on what Rikku had said earlier in the conversation about Paine. Certainly, he had more to say to the other sphere hunter. But Rikku... he had more to learn from this girl, he felt. This was a knowledge he'd never considered delving into. The simple knowledge of how people feel and operate and... live. "Please, continue." 

Rikku grinned. "Anyway, yeah. Love. And I figure true love, the romantic kind, is just this intense friendship, right? It goes past wanting to die for someone. Past all that. It's everything you feel for a person... but doubled, you know? Like there's basic respect... and then there's true love, where you respect everything about that person and you think they're the best thing that ever happened to Spira. And then there's friendship, but where you not only like to be around that person, but need it, need it like breathing. Just need to be close and talk and be together. And then there's love, but you wouldn't only do things for them, but you'd... you'd do anything, give up anything, sacrifice not only your life but your whole existence so that they could have just one moment of happiness. Not just sex, you know? Sex isn't important. There's lust involved, but it's on a physical and a kind of spiritual scale. I mean, that's what I imagine. I haven't done it yet." 

Her face soured all of a sudden, and she stared toward the ground, and skuffed at a bit of dust near her right sneaker. "To be honest, I was saving myself for Gippal. I guess I'm wrong about some of the steps in there. I was sure I had it right, but... ugh. And he's probably still going to make me feel that way, even when he's on a date with Paine. Damnit," she cursed, "I wish I could stop feeling like this. It's going to mess stuff up for them. For all of us." 

"It takes time," Lazarus murmured, offering her the last piece of meat in the tray. He smirked beneath the mask when she picked up the stick Gippal had used to cook the food with and skewered it, chomping down before he'd even set the tray back down. "The fact that you don't want to feel that way about him just so that he can be happy may help. It's not that you don't want to be hurt. It's a selfless motivation." He paused and let his smirk bloom into a smile. "If word gets out that a pretty girl like you is that generous, I hope you realize that men will be flinging themselves at the Celcius just for a handshake or a hug." 

Rikku giggled and swallowed, curling her knees to her chest. "That'd be nice. I mean, sure guys have had crushes on me, but they never wanted to be friends first. They just wanted to do it, I think. I need a nice heavy weapon to ward them off." 

Lazarus raised an eyebrow and growled before he realized what he was doing. The sound was completely a reaction to her words, came throaty and deep and not of his own free will at all. Just the picture that had formed in his head, of a crowd of young men trying to peek under Rikku's (admittedly short) skirt, made his hackles raise. Hence the growl. And that made Rikku laugh. 

"Maybe not a nice heavy weapon. Maybe just a nice, healthy guy for a friend." A grin. "Hell, you're more protective of me than my father. I hope you're not going to try and convince me to settle down with a nice boring Al Bhed man now too, are you?" 

"Never," he muttered, shaking his head. "That wouldn't suit you at all. You'd be so bored you'd go against your own values and commit adultery. At least, I assume that's against your values," he added, afraid he'd overstepped his bounds in assuming what he knew about her personality. 

"Yeah, totally," she replied, easing his worry, "I figure that if you want to have sex with someone else, you shouldn't be in a relationship. So if you even seriously consider another person, then at least dump the person you're with so they won't be even more hurt." A pause. "Yeah. That's probably how I would've felt if Gippal and Paine had gotten hitched without telling me. Thanks for lecturing some sense into her for my sake." 

Lazarus watched his newly-admitted friend stand and dust off her butt, picking up the tray so that she could return it to the ship. "I'm going to go ask Khimari to put out the fire, okay? I can never do it, they're too well-made." 

"Certainly," responded Laz, standing up himself. After all, walking down the moutain near her charm bangle would keep any fiends from interrupting their walk. And for some reason, he wanted to speak more to her. Hear her ideas about people just a little more. He felt like he was learning something, for the first time in a long time. Maybe some of her theories were a little far-fetched in the way of optimisim, but she thought about the world so differently. In her eyes, not everyone was good, but everyone was capable of love. And that was a welcome thought. 

The only thing that bothered him was his earlier breach in etiquette. Because the growl he'd given wasn't just in reaction to a friend that could need protection. It came from a place too deep for that. Too much of a quick-fire reaction, sending his brain on vacation for just one second. It was more like something akin to... possession. 

And somehow, he got the feeling that if he ever did see a horde of men pawing at Rikku, after a few minutes they'd be dead to the last man. The idea frightened Lazarus. 

He pushed the thought out of his mind, and followed her down the slope. 


	6. Chapter 5: Of Occupation

_Disclaimer that I haven't really put into any of these chapters, but just in case: I don't own FFX, FFX-2, or anything involved. I also don't own the film __Lost in Translation_, from which I took a tiny bit of inspiration for the last paragraph. You'll recognize it if you've seen the movie.

* * *

**Chapter Five: Of Occupation**

"Stupid." Rikku wrinkled her nose and scuffed her foot on the floor as she walked along each wall of the room, her hands in the pockets of a long skirt. It made a soft airy sound as it brushed along the wall with each step, soft material swaying with every subtle motion of her body. Who knew Paine, Warrior Goddess Extraordinaire, knew how to sew this well? But that hidden talent was not the reason Rikku was stalking the perimeter of her lab with a constant scowl on her face.

"Rikku," Yuna laughed, "you'll get wrinkles that way, you know!" Oh, was that woman pregnant. Her small frame hardly seemed able to support the weight of the kicking child within her. Luckily, she'd gained a bit of weight over the past months and her daily walks helped to build up enough muscle that she wasn't suffering too much, save her lower back and her feet. Tidus, of course, was more than thrilled to give his wife any earthly whim she had, including full-body massages (minus the infant, of course). Today, she'd contacted Brother by commsphere and begged to be picked up, just to get away from his constant ministrations. Wakka, who knew the anxiety of fatherhood, was trying to keep him busy with blitz practice. Yuna hoped it was working somewhat by now.

Rikku shook her head in response to her cousin's joke, loose golden hair falling over her shoulders in soft waves, out of the usual braids and blue bandanna for once. She blew out all the air in her lungs with a huffy sound and walked over to the lab table next to her brunette counterpart, fiddling idly with a few healing potions she'd been experimenting with. "I just can't get over it, I guess. The Gullwings are almost completely gone. Gone, Yunie! First you, when you went off to get married to Tidus. I mean, I think it's great, and since you're so good at white magic, you're gonna help a lot of people even without having to, you know, save the world and all that stuff. And what you've told me about that hospital idea, hey, it sounds great." She picked up a very weak healing potion and poured half its contents into an empty vials in a stand, then added two drops of an X-potion with an eyedropper. After the contents bubbled and became still, she sniffed the contents, shook her head, and stirred the mixture with a chocobo feather. The reaction reeked and became an ugly shade of pale green, but when Rikku moved the stand in front of the chemical analyzer that she'd been working on for the past few years, she grinned and tapped a few buttons to make the computer memorize the pattern.

"What's that?" Yuna asked, shifting in the chair. The pillow she'd put under her was starting to flatten out, so she had to lift herself a little to move it.

Rikku blew a bang out of her face, then grabbed a pin from the satchel at her hip and swept the annoying strands out of her face, speaking while she moved. "What I was hoping it would be. It's kind of like an ultra-potion, but way weaker, and according to the read-out, its atoms are moving really fast. I'm betting it'd speed the recovery of really sick patients without being too-too strong, you know? Like we've been talking about that old priest you take care of at the Besaid temple? Cure doesn't do anything that helps him, and Curaga's so strong it knocks him out and doesn't heal a thing, right?"

Yuna nodded, leaning towards Rikku's shoulder to try and understand the strange numbers and symbols on the screen her cousin had been staring at. It was all white text on a blue background, like Shinra's old computer on the bridge, but Yuna had never been able to make out any of it, even though it was written in perfect Spiran. Maybe that was why, the perfection of the script. She was so used to her own sloppy handwriting, after all. And Tidus wrote in old Zanarkind script... maybe that's what this was, since the Al Bhed mostly used salvaged computers. "His daughter's getting really worried. He's near the farplane, but she doesn't want his passing to be painful, and it's going to be if we can't get rid of the pain inside him."

"Well," Rikku continued, hair finally out of her way, "I bet this'll do just the trick. Have him drink this potion... thingie. It's not as high in healing power as an actual ultra-potion would be, but it'll go right through to where it's needed. Shouldn't put as much stress on him as other potions or spells would. Though it might be good combined with a weak Regen cast at least three times a day."

Yuna grinned and rubbed her belly through the soft material of her robe, a habit she'd picked up since the beginning of her second trimester. "Rikku, why don't you become a white mage? You know how to cast, and you're so much better with potions than most of us are. You could run a hospice to recover people that seem past hope."

The woman wrinkled her nose and grabbed two small capsules, one red to denote that it was a fire elemental and one yellow for lightening, then threw them into a bucket of what she liked to call "casting juice," really a collection of enzymes that set off any reactions she needed to be contained, as if she were using an item on a fiend. As soon as the capsules hit the clear liquid together, a small explosion sent orange-yellow sparks glimmering out from the bucket, like a golden fire weeping-willow. Rikku turned to her cousin with a cocky grin. "Sorry, Yunie. I prefer to keep a little excitement in my life."

Yuna laughed, pressing her pale hands to her face. "Just don't get your eyebrows burned off again, Rikku. Uncle Cid had such a _fit_ last time!"

Rikku only gave a faint "heh," and started picking up corks to put in the various vials, closing up shop for the day. She placed a large, circular block of wood over the casting juice bucket to keep out anything that could affect the enzymes too much. With a grin, she handed the closed vial of green, foul-smelling medicine to Yuna and stood, straightening her skirt, which had twisted back around her waist. As Rikku stood, she admired the cut of the material, how it gave a nice feminine form to her rather thin body. She almost envied Yuna. Not only did the woman have the largest rack of all YRP members, but she'd become incredibly soft-skinned and curvy after her pregnancy, while Rikku had never been able to gain a pound in her life, save the natural gains of puberty. Ahh, the curses of being a hyperactive Al Bhed girl.

"I really do like that skirt, Rikku," Yuna murmured, leaning against the doorway. She smiled in the quiet, starry-eyed manner of a contented mother. "Paine's a good seamstress. I'm sorry you're still upset over her leaving, though. I mean, her living with Gippal and all, I know you're still sore."

"Ugh." Rikku slapped a hand to her forehead, internally cursing her cousin for bringing the delicate subject back up after they'd both been so nicely distracted. "It's not just that, Yunie. I mean, you're gone, Paine's gone, and even Brother's gone! Who'd have thunk he'd get the chance to court an older chick like Nhadala, huh? I mean, he's been so hopeless up till now, and... rgh!" she shouted, an indistinct sound of frustration, and kicked the wall. "The ship's almost empty, Yunie! Buddy's just flying around and taking people places they want to go, Shinra's hanging out at Djose inventing stuff with Gippal, I'm in here half the time playing with my chemistry set, and Lazarus is helping you with stuff all the time, when he's not eating snowballs or offering to go fiend hunt. Everything's falling apart. The adventure... all of it. It's over, Yuna." Rikku sighed and put a hand to the hard metal wall, staring at the line her golden-skinned fingers cut across the gray surface. The image was so... solitary. "Everyone's gone off to have babies and... take new jobs... sphere hunting isn't even necessary, since Baralai started up the spherebraries and opened up all New Yevon's historical info to the public. Spira's changing. _We're_ changing. I don't like it. It doesn't feel right. Life doesn't feel like living anymore." She turned her face to look at her cousin, to search for some sympathy, some answer. But Yuna's face was still, her bi-colored eyes pinned on the floor.

"We all have to grow up sometime, Rikku. Our entire planet's growing up. We're all becoming adults together, even those who already are older. You can't stay a kid forever." Yuna winced then, as if she'd already realized that her words were wrong.

"Yuna, that's not what I mean and you know it," the younger woman hissed, her green eyes narrowing in uncustomary anger. "I'm not a kid. You know I'm not, and it's offensive that you'd even suggest I am. I saw my entire _world_ blown up. Not just attacked by Sin, Yunie. Killed off by people, and people should know better. I'm not talking about being a kid. That ended when I was fifteen. That's when I quit being a kid, just like you quit being a kid the minute you put on summoner's robes." Rikku paused in her tirade, breathing a little bit harder than she should have been. Instead, she stared at her cousin, whose face was contorting with barely-restrained emotion. The Al Bhed woman dashed forward then, wrapping her arms around Yuna's blue-clad shoulders, pulling her cousin into as tight a hug as she could risk. "Yunie, I didn't mean to sound mad. But you know. You know how I feel. It's not that we're growing up, it's that we're growing... apart. It isn't right, you know?"

Yuna nodded, leaning her damp cheek on Rikku's bare shoulder. "I know. Sorry, I didn't mean to cry. It just happens so quickly, lately... but yeah. I know what you mean, Rikku. It does feel kind of... weird. But maybe that's what growing up is. That's what I meant."

Rikku shook her head, running her fingers through her cousin's short hair as she turned them both toward the door. Walking up from the lab into the front control room, they headed towards the elevator. "No. If it feels wrong, it's wrong. And if something's wrong, you have to make it right. Just like we did two years ago, and two years before that. We'll figure things out."

She smiled, and patted her cousin on the back as they went through the engine room to the exit. They were docked right on the beach, though, so as they left the ship, they could see the Aurochs practicing in the ocean. Buddy was playing along, and he'd finally mastered a spin shot, though he still wasn't as adept at the Jecht Shot as Tidus. And Lazarus... Rikku snickered to herself. Lazarus was being a sore thumb, as always. Sitting in the sand, refusing to look like he was enjoying himself, and probably grumbling to his mask about the terrors of the Besaid sun. He'd gained a healthy tan, though. For an obvious Yevonite, he had some tone to him. His hair was as black as Lu's, but at least he wasn't as colorless as a sheet of parchment. He was closer in skin tone to Tidus... hm. Maybe people born in Bevelle and Zanarkind came from a close gene pool? It'd make sense.

A sudden thought made Rikku laugh aloud. When Yuna gave her a confused look, she whispered into her cousin's ear, green eyes glimmering. Yuna too let out a little giggle, that erupted into a full-throated laugh. It made her husband pause in mid-dive, so he ended up sputtering and coughing, so completely distracted from the game that he ignored Jassu's catcalls and ran over to his wife.

"Something the matter?" he asked, looking from one woman to the other, his blue eyes wide with concern. But when he saw that they were just giggling over something, he folded his arms and shook his head, smiling. "Girls. Can't live with 'em..."

"Can't concentrate around 'em!" called Wakka, sending a well-aimed blitzball hurtling towards Tidus' head. "Now get back to da game, brudda. You know we play da Goers for da finals dis week, ya? Or you forgot dat quick?" The rest of the team laughed, and only laughed harder when Tidus turned around and gave a vigorous display of offensive Spiran hand gestures. Though Yuna blushed, Rikku just snickered, and the two girls scurried off in the direction of a very uncomfortable-looking warrior.

"Laaaaaaz," Rikku crooned, plopping down in the sand before the man, her knees pulled up to her chest with the skirt falling in front of her feet like a blanket. "Can I ask you something? Pleeeease?"

He looked over from his position sitting on a small crate, his right hand resting on a white, rough-surfaced ceramic jug of sake that was warming in the sand. As Rikku batted her lashes at him, he raised the jug and tilted his head forward, as if ready to attack. Yuna only stood and laughed, smoothing out a wrinkle in her royal blue pregnancy robes. After a few moments of the two friends facing off, though, Lazarus sighed and put the sake jug back where it had been. "What is it?" he asked.

"Well... we were wondering. Do you have a big tan line right where your mask is?" She grinned. "Like, is the lower half of your face all white?" When he didn't move, didn't even blink, Rikku knew he was surprised at the request. _I bet he's thinking, so **that's** what they were giggling about,_ she thought, rocking back and forth on her heels. His surprise didn't matter, of course. She'd find out one way or another. "It won't break your vow or whatever if you show us just one little corner, huh? Not your actual face. Just the little string that holds it on your collar. C'mon!"

Lazarus stared at her for a few moments longer, drawing out the suspense. Then, with a roll of his eyes, he covered his mouth with one hand and unhooked the mask with the other, showing a tiny corner of his jawline. Which was, indeed, glaring white.

Yuna collapsed on her knees in the sand, breaking out into a fit of giggles that took minutes to calm down. But for some reason, Rikku didn't join in. It had been funny when she'd thought of it, sure. And it'd probably still be funny, if she let it, but something was distracting her. It was… odd. Staring at the skin, pale though it was, a feeling seemed to bubble up inside her. Something unnameable and different.

It wasn't lust, she decided. Not attraction of any kind, though she'd realized he was attractive very soon after she'd met him. It wasn't love, because she knew she'd felt that for Gippal, and she hadn't known this person long enough to understand him the way she'd understood her childhood companion. It was kind of like recognition. No. Fainter. A tickle at the back of her mind.

Softly, words left her mouth, traced by the language of her childhood. "E fyhd du caa. Lyh E caa?" Ahh. That made sense. So, that's what it was. Curiosity. Desire to understand. She wanted to peel the barrier away and really know this person. The way she'd begged to know Paine so long ago, on their adventures, but had been rejected. And Paine… two years of knowing her, and Rikku had only just learned that the other woman could sew. Would this be the same thing?

But the man only stared at her, silent guardian of Yuna's child, silent friend who lent a shoulder to cry on and nothing of himself.

"Cusatyo, vneaht." It was barely audible, but Rikku heard every syllable distinctly, and her face bloomed into a smile. As Yuna came out of her giggling fit, Rikku was chuckling as well. It covered up the fact that she'd been staring at Lazarus so hard.

And then… "Oh, my."

Rikku looked over her shoulder at Yuna, who was laying in the sand, staring up at the sky, with a worried expression on her face. "Yunie?" she began carefully. "Something wrong?"

"I felt, um. Something. I think, um…" The woman sat up and looked down at herself, trying to see around the great lump of her belly. "I need Lulu. Lazarus, please get Lulu. Don't rush. Don't worry Tidus." Her eyes were big and glassy as she looked up at her cousin, whispering: "Water."

Rikku nodded vigorously and moved forward to help Yuna up while Lazarus stalked off in the direction of Lulu's tent. As the two girls stood, there was a patch of wet sand where Yuna had been lying. The white mage cringed. "This is so embarrassing. I mean, I thought I felt a few contractions when we were talking on the ship, and once when I was laughing, but I wasn't… sure. It's so new." She smiled, a light blush creeping over the balls of her cheeks. "I feel like a bad dog."

The Al Bhed laughed, curving her arm around Yuna's waist to help her walk discreetly away from the practicing blitzers. They'd already spread the word to everyone, Lazarus and Wakka especially, that if Yuna started going into labor, even if it was a false alarm, not to tell Tidus until Yuna was already behind closed doors. He'd been acting up so much, they were all afraid he'd get so nervous and clumsy he'd fall and break his head open.

"Does it hurt?" Rikku asked, her eyes big green swirls of compassion and worry. Yuna paused as if to think, her hands resting on the sides of her belly, as if she could hold it up. All the while she smiled, nervous but… happy.

"Not at all. It's just strange. It's more pressure than pain. And I can feel the muscles doing it, but just a little. It was really faint, I didn't notice it really at first." Tears slipped down her cheeks for the second time in just minutes. "Don't ask me why I'm crying this time. I don't know."

"I think I do," Rikku whispered. In the distance, she caught a glimpse of Lulu and the full-bodied priestess that served as Besaid midwife. Lazarus was striding behind them, but as soon as he turned his face toward the two girls, he quickened his step, and had dashed over to them in moments, blocking their path.

"Lady Yuna, if I may," he said, giving a quick bow before curving an arm around her waist and bending down. Rikku moved out of the way just in time to watch him lift Yuna from the ground in a gentle cradle, as if she were no more weighty than the babe inside of her. The smoothness of his walk afterwards showed that he wasn't struggling at all, which was more than Tidus could do lately.

"Impressive," Rikku murmured, following behind them to Lulu's tent.

Auron brought his charge back into Lu and Wakka's bedroom, where a long white cot was standing untouched next to the couple's thick pallet. He laid the birthing woman down and smoothed her hair back from her face, staring calmly into her eyes, which were becoming less human and more animal by the moment. But as they looked at one another, she calmed, smiling as he ran his gloved hand once more over her forehead. After a moment's pause, though, he unhooked the glove of his left hand and held Yuna's own, planting a small kiss on her forehead, though of course he never took off the mask. Rikku watched, and smiled. She was right about this person. He was more a father than a friend to most of them.

As he exited the tent, leaving Lulu and the midwife to attend to Yuna, Rikku grabbed a handful of his shirt and made him stop. "Thank you. For doing that. You know Yuna's father is gone, and I'm sure he's very grateful. Especially since you did it just 'cause you love her, and no other reason." She smiled, letting go of the tunic. When Rikku looked up at his face, she had to stifle a laugh. Lazarus looked like he was about to blush. She was dead serious about what she'd said, but seeing the great silent warrior look like a bashful schoolboy was downright funny. "Aww, you're so cute sometimes."

Lazarus gave a forced cough and looked away. But then, peeking back out of the corner of a twinkling brown eye, he growled, "Am not."

His counterpart laughed and grabbed his bare elbow, pulling him into a sitting position in front of the tent's front flap so that they could guard it from panicking blitzers. After a few moments of silence, he remembered his glove and dropped it on the hard-packed ground, followed by its fellow. His forearms and hands were marked by pale skin, as well, but it wasn't nearly as pronounced as the facial tan line. The hair that ran along them was darker, less sun-bleached than the rest of him, and his fingers were thick with muscle, with an almost pudgy look to them because of that. There was a tiny scar on his left hand near his thumb, no more than a centimeter long, and very thin. "What's this?" she asked, tracing her index finger over it.

"Ah. I'd almost forgot about this. It's from when I was a boy." Laz flexed the hand, moving his arm forward so that the sun would shine on it. "I was in my parents' bed, talking to them. Just talking. And I think I was gesturing, or something... not sure. But the nail of my... what was it, my right pinky finger. Scraped over my left hand." He made the motion of nail over skin. For good measure, he even opened one corner of his mouth and made kind of a gutteral noise for the scratching sound effect. "It didn't even bleed, just stung for a minute until my mother offered to get me a glass of juice. Kids make a big deal about pain, but it never lasts. I was surprised to find that this scar lasted so long."

Rikku smiled and nodded. Rarely had he been so open about himself, even though they'd been friends for half a year now. He'd always change the subject to back to her, especially in dealing with their pasts and experiences. All he'd ever said about himself was preferences, and the fact that he'd learned to fight as a warrior monk. Nothing more. "That's a cute story. But hey, how come you don't mind telling me that, but you won't tell me what you did for a living last year?"

"Because my childhood is not within the confines of what the Fayth commanded me to keep secret." He sighed and shook his head, staring down at the ground. The sake jug was still on the beach. Damn. "The only reason I'm wearing a mask or keeping my identity secret is his command. I'm allowed to tell one person what my true name is. No more. I am called Lazarus because... well. Because I like it." He leaned forward and glanced to the beach. No sake jug. Sake good. Want sake now. His eyes squinted in annoyance.

"Ahh, I get it. So it _is_ a vow. How come you didn't tell me earlier?"

"You did not ask."

Rikku snorted. It was so like him to give a smart-aleck response like that. "Fine, then. If that's the way you're going to play it, _I'm_ going to ask you lots more questions from now on. I like understanding my friends better." She smirked, and punched him lightly in the shoulder. "Unless you feel like coming up with details on your own."

He watched her for a few moments, fiddling idly with his glove, then gave a nod. "Ask what you like, and I'll tell you what I can, with or without prompting."

Rikku grinned as if she'd won something and settled back so that she was halfway lying down, using her elbows for support. "Okay, then, let's start. You're old enough to have kids yourself by now, and I can tell you'd take good care of them if you had 'em. So. Were you ever married?"

"No. I've never been in a relationship. It was not something I felt pertinent to my life."

She blinked and lurched forward again, surpise evident in her wide eyes and mouth. "Really? So, like, you've never had a girlfriend? Or a date? Or even a really really long one-sided crush?" Of course, her last statement immediately reminded her of Gippal, and a thought occurred to her. The idea of her love for him being one-sided didn't seem to hurt as much anymore, somehow. Even thinking about it didn't upset her at all. She didn't even really want him back. What she wanted back... were her friends.

Lazarus shrugged, his eyes twitching to catch a sudden movement to their left. Tidus and Wakka, the latter of which was holding his sake jug. Thank the aeons. "I've noticed women, and I've kissed one or two. Nothing more. As I said, it's never been something I needed or cared for much. Some of my friends, the married ones, considered me asexual. I'm not, however."

He paused as the chattering husband neared them. Tidus wasn't saying anything verbal, of course. Just a string of mismatched syllables, interspersed with an identifyable "Yuna." Wakka only shook his head in understanding and handed Lazarus the sake jug before stepping between them into the tent. After all, he'd been calm enough to help with Lulu's previous birthing, so he could do some of the necessary tasks without being fussed at by the women. When Tidus tried to follow his friend, Lazarus planted a firm hand on the other man's chest and pushed, sending the blonde sprawling onto his back.

Rikku jumped to her feet and helped Tidus up, without letting him go afterward. "Don't worry, cousin-in-law, Wakka knows what to do inside the house. So, they need you to fetch water from the well and heat it to kinda near-boiling at the fire in the village square. Understood, soldier?" She saluted, giving her best Crusader pose and trying to sound serious.

Luckily, Tidus was messed up enough to buy the act. "Um... yeah! I'll get right on that! Just... somebody come get me if anything happens, okay? I'm totally freaking out here!" Then he just ran off, without even asking why Lazarus and Rikku were sitting there, rather than busy fetching hot water as well.

Rikku snickered as she sat back down, watching the blitzer as he jogged away from the village toward the freshwater well, bouncing with every step, his useless white hood jumping with his movement. "He's so silly," she commented, perfectly aware that she was stating the obvious.

Lazarus, however, was oblivious. The sake jug was open, and at his lips, and he was drinking it down with eyes closed. His adam's apple bobbed with each pulse of his throat, and she suddenly realized that with his mask inched up so far, she could make out almost his entire face, save the end of his nose and upper lip. But he wasn't bad-looking despite it. Strong chin with a tiny bit of a cleft. Five o'clock shadow. Thin lower lip, what she could see of it. A hard and angluar jawline. He wasn't anything like what she was used to around Tidus and Wakka and Gippal. They were prettier, softer of feature and voice. He was just himself. A rice-wine-chugging, snowball-sipping, silent fighter who grumbled about having to shave every morning and kissed birthing women on the forehead.

_And I'm his friend,_ she thought to herself. It seemed so cool. Just the idea of being this amazing person's friend, even able to extract the occasional smile from him. It really was a rush, like winning a prize or passing a test, or finding a new chemical compound from easy-to-find items that could kill off an Ultima Weapon clone in one shot. She pulled her knees to her chest and grabbed at her toes, smiling. It felt so good to be liked by this person. To have so much fun being near this person, and to find out he sought out her company. Her, of all people.

"I like shoulders," he suddenly mumbled, slipping his mask back down and putting the jug to the side.

Rikku perked up, blinking. "Wha...?" What the Sin was he talking about?

"Shoulders," he repeated, looking over at her. "I like womens' shoulders. Don't ask me why. But I can't be attracted to a woman unless she has nice shoulders. They can't be too bony." He chuckled, folding his arms over his chest. "Once, a good friend of mine... let's call him Jareth. Once he said that that was the only thing that made him know I wasn't gay. He claimed that he had the most gorgeous shoulders in the world and started wiggling them at me to try and prove it. I hit him. My other friend, let's call him Bob. Bob couldn't stop laughing."

Rikku grinned. "Bet you thought Lu was hot, then, when you first saw her. Her shoulders are all out there for everyone to see, and hers are pretty nice. Though I don't know what you're looking for in shoulders." She shrugged, self-consciously fiddling with the strap of her lavendar tank top.

Lazarus' eyes followed her hand, then he quickly glanced away, as if he was afraid to look over his friend in that manner. But when he spoke next, his voice was a low rumble. "Don't mention this to anyone, but... Lulu's breasts frighten me. I don't know how Wakka manages not to drown."

Rikku laughed, nicely distracted away from her tank strap, but the laugh turned into a yawn. "I guess I'm a little more shallow," she responded. "I like eyes. Or, well, I guess whatever the guy has left, considering Gippal's only got one that's nice to look at. I've seen the other one, and it's gross and I don't think he can even really see out of it anymore. But yeah. The color doesn't matter, but they have to be the kind of eyes you can sink into. Watchful. Passionate. That kind of thing. I love looking at people's eyes, though. It really upsets me when glasses and stuff get in the way. I want to understand more people better, and I figure that's the only way." She paused, considering. "Well, maybe not glasses, but sunglasses. Those really get on my nerves. I think because the only people that wear them often, and not just to get out of the sun, are the kind of people that either have no personality or want to be unapproachable. I think you really have to look at someone a lot to be able to dig into them. Like, take Yuna. You know about her pilgrimage, right? Well, her eyes before and after the pilgrimage are totally different. Before, they were wide so she could take in everything around her for the last time, and they were kind of... fogged over, kind of indistinguishable and sad because she had all this weight on her. And afterwards, her eyes always looked smaller because she was always smiling really big if she smiled at all. And they were so bright you could freakin' _see_ yourself in them."

Lazarus paused, staring at Rikku while she talked. But shen she was finished, he smiled. Genuine and big, so that his whole face lifted a little. "A little more shallow, Rikku?" he asked, before reaching a hand out to tousel her loose blonde hair. "You don't give yourself enough credit. I hope you know that."

She grinned in response and combed her hair through with her fingers, arranging the long bangs so they fell easily on either side of her face. "Well, I am shallow. I'm also gorgeous, and intelligent, and happy bubbly fun to be with! And modest. Did I mention that?" Rikku winked at him, then suddenly yawned again. Sleepily, she setting her cheek down on her knees. "Ugh. I might take a nap. Waking up before dawn just to play with chemicals isn't a good idea. I think I'll just lie down right here in the sun, where it's comfy. Wake me if I start to burn, or if Yuna needs anything. Kay?"

"Certainly." Lazarus nodded and watched her lie down on her side next to him, one arm under her head and the other curled up near her chest. Her knees were bent, and for lack of room on non-rocky ground, her feet finally stretched out to touch his leg. He smiled. She fell asleep so easily, in any position, at any time. The girl was lucky.

After a few moments, he rested his hand on her foot and leaned back against the tent's exterior, watching Tidus run back and forth in the glimmering sun of the island afternoon.

* * *

****

**_"I want to see. Can I see?" _**

**_"Someday, friend."_**


	7. Chapter 6: Of Realization, Pt 1

_Okay, the moments you've all been waiting for. Written, hopefully, in a realistic manner. Italics in this case are **either** flashback or internal monologue. "Kimi" is a Japanese name meaning (according to ) "She Who Has No Equal." I thought it was also a neat name to choose, since Yuna's personal song is "Kimi He." Oh, and I would've put chapters 6 and 7 together, but it was running past eleven pages, in one day's work. So have a bite-sized installment, and know that the next one's coming soon. To get us started, here's a quote from a movie I'll be quoting again in the next chapter (which I'm nearly finished): "Be careful. Men in masks cannot be trusted." - Fezzik, The Princess Bride_

* * *

**Chapter 6: Of Realization, Part 1**

Lazarus sat against the tent and listened to the sounds of birthing work. It took longer than he'd expected, but then, he had never been present for a birthing in his life, save perhaps his own. It seemed to be going well, though, considering the fact that he heard no screams. A few groans, perhaps, but that was to be expected. He'd heard that female pain was rather similar to, as Jecht put it, "getting a kick in the gonads." And apparently, Jecht had helped to deliver Tidus, so he would know. Tidus had finally exhausted himself with delivering hot water, and once he had calmed down to the point where he was staggering from the village's fire, barely able to hold up the sloshing bucket, Wakka invited him into the tent to watch. The poor blonde boy started sobbing. Blubbered on about how Yuna was "so beautiful!" for a full five minutes, before Lulu hushed him. 

But somehow, Laz was distracted. After the healthy gulps of sake he'd poured down into himself, everything had become slow and calm again, and the heat in his blood and his body had relaxed into a calm warmth. But still, he was distracted. 

Rikku had been sleeping all this time, comfortable and calm in the evening sun. But the ground near the tent's entrance was not a good pillow, and she'd hit her head on a rock. After rubbing her head with a sleepy pout, she turned around the other way, looked at Laz with big puppy dog eyes, and without asking, plopped down to use his thigh for a pillow. Apparently, he was comfortable — she hadn't moved in an hour. And this was a great distraction. Not because it was uncomfortable for him to have her lying on his leg, arms sprawled out beneath her, feet curled up in fetal position. That felt natural and right, and even more calming than a healthy dose of strong sake could be. She was a distraction because earlier in the day, he'd realized that she would be the one he chose to reveal himself to. And Lazarus couldn't get the question of why out of his mind.

* * *

_Softly, words left her mouth, traced by the language of her childhood. "E fyhd du caa. Lyh E caa?"_

She was staring at his jaw, at the tan line beneath his mask, clear and defined even where the mask became loops of silk thread to hook into his high back collar. She was staring at him the way he stared at everyone else, her eyes calm and clear, her smooth oval face expessionless but intense. And he felt... naked. His mouth opened and closed, lips forming words that his brain didn't register. Here he was, forty years old (if one counted the four years he slept, dead in the Farplane), and he was being stared down by a girl. No. Wrong. Not a girl, a woman. She couldn't be anything but a woman, blonde hair flowing free and loose all the way down her back, lavendar tank-top exposing a soft female belly, blue-flowered skirt trailing over bare and sandy feet. A woman so natural and in touch with her heart that she had never lost innocence or curiosity. 

_But the man only stared at her, silent guardian of Yuna's child, silent friend who lent a shoulder to cry on and nothing of himself._ Stared because he could not speak. Because he could not move, pinned by her glare like a captured butterfly in a case. Because he did not know what to say. Because he was barely holding onto his self-control, barely keeping himself from ripping the mask away and burying his face in her shoulder, lips pressed on the small dot of a birthmark. Because it was all he could do to keep himself together. But he had to answer her. And at that moment, he couldn't say no. No matter what the consequences, Rikku would know by the end of the week that her quiet, twenty-six-year-old friend Lazarus was, had been, the legendary guardian Auron. 

_"Cusatyo, vneaht." It was barely audible, but Rikku heard every syllable distinctly, and her face bloomed into a smile._ He sighed to himself as she began to laugh. It was the right answer. It made her happy. Thank the aeons.

* * *

It had come in handy, after all, to glance at those Al Bhed primers that Tidus had collected during their adventure so long ago. That, and Auron himself had studied on his own after his painful crawl down the sacred mountain, had spent the last few minutes of his mortal life on the floor of Rin's hut as the man ran to fetch a healer, reading an Al Bhed language and history book as the constant blood loss left his body cold and numb. And when he died and refused to leave, held his pyreflies together with all the force of will he had left in him, forcing himself to stay on Spira for the sake of the fallen, he'd kept the book and read it later in Dream Zanarkand. Over and over, until the memory took and he dreamed in the musical cadences of the desert language. 

"Vneaht," he said again, raising a hand to carefully brush a stray hair from her sleeping face, his touch light enough that it wouldn't disturb even her dreams. Directly translated to Spiran, the word meant "friend." But to the Al Bhed, vneaht meant something closer. A vneaht was someone who connected with you on a spiritual level, someone you trusted with your life and soul. It meant friend, true, but the effect was closer to something like "bosom companion." A person you wanted to keep near you, always. Friendship was extremely important to the Al Bhed people, since they'd already lost so many of their people to holocosts and racial prejudice. Friendships were never casual, and contact was always kept between friends. That importance was the reason Rikku had become so disheartened since Paine left to live in Djose and enter into Luindcreb with Gippal. Not that Lazarus was entirely certain of what Luindcreb meant to the Al Bhed, but he supposed it was similar to the old Yevonite courtship rituals. 

Lazarus rested his hand on Rikku's shoulder, heart beating just a little faster in case she woke up. He almost felt like he was taking advantage of her, though that was a silly thought in itself. They'd hugged before, though always at her behest. Hell, he had lived with her, stayed onboard the same ship she had, for six months already. The night after Paine left, she'd thrown herself into his lap and cried her heart out while he held her. But still, he'd never initiated any contact, had never done anything that he thought would overstep his bounds. He'd only been there, and treated her as a roommate. When had he started seeing her like... this? 

Rikku moved a little in her sleep, burrowing her face closer into the warmth of his leg before settling in again. Her face was slack as she slept, lips puffing into a childlike pout. She had fuller lips than he'd realized. Her eyes twitched beneath the lids, looking at one thing or another, and every now and then she'd breathe out hard, as if sighing in frustration at some dream stupidity. Lazarus watched, brushing his fingertips over her arm, catching the down of blonde hairs beneath his short nails. Memorizing the texture of her skin, how it felt, how it looked. The pores on her cheeks, the curve of her lashes. 

_I suppose this is a sort of karma._ He lifted his hand once he'd gotten to her elbow and touched her shoulder again, running down her arm in a slow rhythmic pet. _I watched you sleeping once, as a girl, and you calmed my fires._ He stopped, and moved his hand to her hair, combing it with his fingers so that it fell straight behind her. Running his touch from her temple... behind her ear... over the back of her neck. _And now I watch you sleep, as a woman, and I feel myself burn hotter than I've ever known in life or death._

He had to stop. Had to stop before he lost his self-control, because oh, she made him ache inside. And "friend" didn't touch how he was coming to feel about this woman in his lap. Vneaht wasn't even right. She was... _She..._

_...oh._

Lazarus breathed in, sucked the air as if he'd died and come to life again. And perhaps, in some way, he had. 

Rikku stirred, rolled onto her back. Her eyes slid open, staring up at his face. Mouth curling into a sleepy smile. Mind not quite there, and the only thing left was emotion, calm happiness. The evening sunlight made her swirling eyes sparkle. And Lazarus, as usual, just stared. 

_Braska, help me. Help... please help me. I'm falling._

* * *

Suddenly, there was a cry. A mew, really, high-pitched and new. The first sound ever made by the newest addition to Yuna's family: a tinny shriek that meant everything was right in the world. 

Wakka stuck his head out of the tent, looking down on Lazarus and Rikku with a huge grin on his face. "Like you said, brudda, it's a girl. Come on in," he said before disappearing back inside. The small family wasted no time in going through the living room to the bedroom and gathering around the birthing bed, where Yuna was laying in a fresh robe under fresh sheets. She was breathing hard and her forehead was sticky from sweat, but a huge smile shone clear and bright on her face. Tidus stood next to her head, running his fingers through his wife's damp hair, tears streaking his cheeks. And in Yuna's arms was a clean baby girl, her eyes squinted shut, short and sparse brown hair plastered to her head. 

Rikku squealed and jumped up and down, barely able to contain her excitement. "She's adorable! Oh, Yunie, it's the most beautiful baby in the world! I mean, she's the most beautiful little girl I've ever seen in my whole life," she amended, seeing as though Vidina had been a beautiful baby, too, and Rikku didn't want to invoke Lulu's wrath. 

"Speakin' of kids, I betta get our boy from da Aurochs. Who knows what Keepa's teachin' him, ya? Yuna, don' neva let the Aurochs babysit her. You never know what they'll teach her how to say!" 

Yuna giggled, but shook her head. "Wait a minute, Wakka. Rikku and I have something to do, first. And we need all of your here. Madame Bay, would you go pick up Vidina from the Aurochs' tent so we can have him with us for the Fecrac Ceremony?" The midwife nodded, smiling, and carried a bucket of red-stained water out. Lazarus jumped clear out of her way. So the buckets of warm water had been used for something, after all. But only cleaning. He could see the caul at the bottom of the bucket, like a captured jellyfish. He cringed. Midwives must have strong stomachs, to handle that kind of thing. So must mothers, for that matter. 

Since Tidus was wrapped up in staring at his new baby girl, Wakka took it on himself to ask the most obvious question. "So... what's with this Fecrac thing? Sounds Al Bhed." 

"It is," commented Lazarus, "It means 'Wishes.' That's all I know, though. A wishing ceremony?" 

Rikku nodded vigorously, and began to explain with a grin, bouncing from one foot to the other. "It's Al Bhed tradition. At every birth, as soon as you find out that mother and child are doing fine and right before the naming, you have to make one wish for both the baby and yourself. Because if you name the baby first, that's what defines her, instead of the wishes. And that wish has to be something really good. You know, like... I want to be really healthy, and I want the baby to love adventure and sun. Something like that. And since this baby's one-quarter Al Bhed, I thought it'd fit. Yuna and I talked it over yesterday. Once Vidina's here-- oh, here he is." The midwife had brought him in, and now that the toddler was safe in Lulu's arms, Rikku grinned, signaling that they were ready to begin. 

"Can I go first?" Tidus asked. After no one disagreed, he leaned over his daughter and whispered something in her ear. "Okay, I'm done. But no one else can hear, I'll be embarassed." 

Wakka snickered, and walked around the bed to slap his friend on the back. "Aww, come on, brudda, you gotta spill!" 

"Fine, fine. I wished not to be so much of a dummy. And I want my kid to be as smart as her mom." He snickered, his cheeks growing just _slightly_ redder, but he was too happy to care. Hastily, he wiped the tear-streaks from his face, and bent once more to kiss his daughter's forehead, and his wife's lips. 

Yuna smiled at him, her cheeks dimpling at the corners of her mouth from the extra pudge she'd taken on over the past months. "Can moms make wishes too?" she asked Rikku, a little hesitant about going next. 

"Of course!" her cousin responded. 

"Then... I wish for my daughter and myself to be able always to find peace wherever she goes. Her own peace. No one else's. And I'd like to be a little more selfish too, so that Rikku and Paine stop teasing me." 

It went on like that for a few moments. Wakka wanted self-confidence. Lulu asked to be "a little less grumpy, now and then." Vidina whispered to his mother what he wanted, and she related it to the rest of the family. "He says, 'I want to be cool, like Uncle Laz." Lazarus smiled, and winked at the boy, who grinned before hiding behind his mother's belt skirt. 

"And me?" continued Rikku, "I'm going to make the same wish as I've made a couple of times. I wish that I can find some way to discover the trick behind human happiness, and I wish for the baby the ability to put that discovery into action. So that everyone in Spira is all united in one big happy squishy ball!" She grinned, and everyone smiled or laughed. It was just like her. Then she grinned and looked up at her friend, tugging on his tunic. "Come on, Laz, you too!" 

The guardian paused, looking down at Rikku, then he walked toward Yuna and put his hand on the baby's back. "To be alive," he murmured. "To be really, truly alive. And to know what that means, every day of her life. Every day of both our lives." Lazarus ran his fingers through Yuna's hair once, then squeezed Tidus at the young man's elbow, giving both of them a rare smile that twinkled in his brown eyes. 

"We all will, old man," Tidus whispered, making Lazarus blink. No one else noticed, because the baby had just begun to suckle, and while Rikku squealed over how cute it was, Wakka had turned away, with reddened cheeks. Yuna was intent on the effort, and Lulu was wincing at the memory. The men could talk undisturbed. Tidus looked over the crowd to make certain of that fact, then looked back to Lazarus, giving him a half-smile and whispering low in his throat. "We'll talk later, okay? For now, let's just say I remember my childhood pretty well. But don't worry. This won't affect anything the fayth said, and I won't tell. Even Yuna." 

Lazarus nodded, a little disoriented at discovering that, of all people, Tidus had enough intuition to make the first discovery. But that was all right. It made Laz feel better, really, to know that he was not alone, and that the person he'd thought of as a son for ten years knew him. 

"So what's she gonna be, Yuna? You an' Tidus came up wit a name a'ready, ya? Soon's you found out she was a girl?" Wakka grinned, fixing an 'I'm an Uncle!' pin to the chest of his Aurochs uniform. 

Yuna nodded in her quiet way, and ran one finger over her baby girl's cheek. "Tonight, we'll introduce my daughter to the world. My daughter is called Kimi, for she has no equal, either in my heart or elsewhere. No offense, Tidus," she added, smiling up at her husband who grinned and gave her a noogie, as if to say, "None taken." 


	8. Chapter 7: Of Realization, Pt 2

_So yeah. This chapter, and the fact that I wrote most of it before posting the last one, is the reason the story is now rated R. Please review! Love scenes are hard to write when you're trying to keep the characters real. Did I do it right? Oh yeah, and I'd like to thank The Princess Bride once more for the quotes in this chapter. Enjoy!_

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Chapter 7: Of Realization, Part 2

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The party lasted well into the night. Yuna had called everyone she could think of. First she contacted Brother, Nhadala, and Cid at New Home in Sanubia by Commsphere. Since he had a switchboard set up there, he went ahead and sent the word to Gippal, Paine, and Shinra in Djose Temple, Dona and Barthello in Kilika, then Nooj, LeBlanc, Elma and Lucil on Mushroom Rock, Clasko and Calli in the Calm Lands, Issaru in Zanarkand, and finally to Baralai and Shelinda in Bevelle, who had married just weeks before. And of course, Yuna herself told Khimari. Buddy rushed off immediately to pick them all up, likely ecstatic to get away from the over-calm waters of Besaid for a short while. Since the Celcius had become more of a delivery vehicle than an adventure-mobile, he'd been getting exceedingly restless during any harbor stop. A party was just the thing to kick him out of his rut, and he picked everyone up in record time. 

Naturally, where there was Gippal, there was alcohol. He'd made a new machine that combined Rikku's snowball machine with the Al Bhed-brewed sugar licquor called rum, and everyone but the new mother and Khimari got completely sloshed. Even Lazarus had a few of the dacquoris, speaking quietly off to the side with Tidus. Their conversation was interrupted only when Elma and Lucil ran past them, tipsy and laughing together, both of their necks covered in dark spots and red bitemarks. 

"There go the happiest pair of girls I've ever seen," said Tidus, chuckling into his glass. "They're more obvious about being in love than even Yuna and I are. Elma told me tonight they'd been together since Crusader training," he added, jerking his chin in their direction. "Right in front of Clasko, too. Lucky for him he didn't have a crush on either one. I think all he wants is his Chocobo ranch. Calli's been working for him for a while now, and I think there's some chocobo-based sparks. If they ever breed, the kid's'll come out yellow and warking." 

Lazarus chuckled, watching over the crowd to make sure none of the drunken antics got too wild. Lucky for him, none did, and these people were all too happy for Kimi, and too filled with the food Tromell had brought for the occasion, to do anything dangerous. There was plenty of barefoot dancing around the fire, but Lulu was sitting next to Yuna, and kept her mind clear enough to cast Water on anyone who got too close. 

"So, you going to take care of Rikku tonight, old man?" asked Tidus, blue eyes glazed over as he gazed at his wife. Things were finally dying down, and she looked tired and happy, holding little Kimi to her heart as Khimari stood guard behind the pair. "I think I'm going to take the missus and baby to bed, and Rikku's pretty wild out there. We won't need you to sleep in the house or anything, since the Celcius stays around here anyway. And I think Khimari wants to stay over." 

Lazarus paused with his mouth open. For a moment, he'd thought Tidus meant something funny by "taking care of Rikku." But no. Inwardly, he chastised himself. That was only Laz's lecherous mind twisting the statement. "I'll put her to bed, don't worry." 

"I'm sure you will," said his foster son with a sly wink before jogging away. Laz cringed. So the boy had figured it out. Well, there would be enough time to pound some respect into him later. For now, he had some time to rest. A few empty chairs sat a little ways from the commotion, nearer to the woods. He carried his dacquori over to it and sat down to rest, the town's fire dimishing to a bright twinkle a little ways off. He could still see the inebriated dancers moving, hear the drums beating. That was enough. That was all he needed to feel like he was a part of this celebration. His sake jug had been left at Lulu and Wakka's, but no worry, he'd retrieve it in the morning. For now, everything was nice and quiet, a cool ocean breeze blowing over his skin. _Life is... good,_ he decided with a smile, and loosened the strings of his mask so he could drink with greater ease. 

But just then, one of the dancers separated from the pack and started making a winding path toward the chairs. He held his hand to his half-covered face, and was just about to tighten the strings when he saw who it was, and so left it to hang loosely from the collar. Clad in only an orange sack-dress, one which hung loosely but nonetheless complimented her curves, Rikku seemed unable to decide between dancing and walking toward him. Truth be told, she didn't dance altogether too well. She could do certain professional-looking moves when she was trying hard, and her hips swayed rather nicely, but she was always so happy whenever she began to dance that it looked silly. Silly, but still an expression of utter joy. 

Finally she was stopped in front of him, swaying and smelling of mint and chocolate. He smiled, lifting a braid that had fallen into her face. "I think Gippal's made you one too many grasshoppers, vneaht. You seem too pleased with yourself." 

"Aww, I'm fun! I mean..." She blinked, holding up a finger as she concentrated on verbal communication. "I'm _having_ fun. Dancin... and, um, boogey-in..." Rikku held her arms at her sides and moved them as if she was turning a big wheel to the right and left, wiggling her butt in a sad attempt at dancing. 

"That's the same thing," he replied, chuckling. She nodded voraciously, a big grin plastered on her face, both cheeks very, very red. Then her head tilted to the side, and her jaw dropped, eyes happy and wide. "What is it?" asked Lazarus, raising an eyebrow. 

"You promised me! I wanna see now! Who you beeeeeeeeee?" she asked, her voice going into a low grating rasp, like an old woman with very bad grammar. 

"No one of consequence," Laz replied, smiling. Might be fun to pretend he wasn't going to show her. She was always a fun drunk to be around, after all. Not like Jecht, who just freaked out at everything. She just let herself go even more than usual, felt fascinated by everything, and hugged people often. 

Now her voice translated into a stunningly well-done version of Wakka's, if a bit too high-pitched and squeaky. "But I gotta know, ya?" Rikku jumped up and down, giggling madly. "Ya? Ya! Yayayayayaya!" she sang, jumping up as high as she could on each "ya!" before wearing herself out temporarily and plopping into her friend's lap. 

He sighed, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her back further, just in case the silly inebriated creature fell off and hurt herself. Or at least, that was the innocent motive behind his action. In any case, she didn't seem to mind. "Get used to disappointment," he murmured, shrugging slightly. But when she turned around and pouted, his breath caught for the second time today. She was so... close. How'd she get so close without him even realizing it? After all, he'd always thought of himself as a moon to her world. Always drawn in closer, ever closer, but never pulling close enough to touch. 

"You promised," she mumbled, eyebrows pulling together, lower lip pulled into her mouth. "You promised I could see someday. And I want someday to be now. Nekrd huf." Before Lazarus even got a chance to respond, she lifted her hand to his jaw, and pulled the mask off in one swift motion, eased by his earlier loosening of the strings. 

His heartbeat sped, lips parted in surprise as she stared at his pale mouth with the same intense expression as earlier in the day. She'd revealed him without even trying. She had to know now. Surely, she had to know. She'd seen Tidus' spheres of young Auron, on his pilgrimage with Jecht and Braska. She was perfectly aware of what Auron had looked like, and though she was silly and red-cheeked now, surely she was aware enough to make the connection. Surely she-- 

Lazarus' mind went blank, his thoughts stopped. It took him a moment to realize that her mouth was on his, warm and sweating body pressed in against him, green eyes closed. It took one moment to take in the position of her body, knees on either side of his thighs, her belly pressed to his. And as soon as that realization set in... 

His arms went around her back, pressing the girl tighter into him. Blood rushed in his ears, blocking out the sound of the drums until they were a distant muffled thump mixed in with the sound of his own heartbeat. His lips curved around hers, sucking on her bottom lip before he pressed the tip of his tongue in, running along the inside of her upper lip before it stretched out into her mouth, meeting her tongue halfway inside. He let out a moan that came out a growl, deep and low and primal in his throat. One hand trailed up along her spine, feeling the ridges of bone through thin orange fabric, the other hand moving around to her hip, tracing the inward curve, the place where her lowest rib stuck out just a little beneath the skin. And already, with his mouth working hers and her breasts pressed in close to him, there was a second pulse beating between his legs, hot and aching and he was burning for her as they kissed, sweating from the tremendous heat building inside him, and the heat was so real and intense and right, and he wanted to press his entire being into her mouth and her hips and her body because the warmth would be so much better there it wouldbeperfectbecauseshe... was... perfect. 

Rikku pulled away, and the kiss ended. Her eyes were wide, shining with a mixture of alcohol and confusion and surprise. "Laz, I..." 

He winced. That... was a mistake. He turned his face away from her, breath coming hard and making his chest pulse as if it were a heart itself. She didn't mean that. Of course she didn't. She was drunk, and she was affectionate when she was drunk. Of course she kissed him, hugged him. He was her vneaht. "I'm sorry, Rikku. I crossed the line. I'm an idiot," he mumbled, hands halfway to his face, eyes closed so he couldn't see the expression on her face. Probably disgust. Probably she'd be running to tell someone of his lechery in seconds. Running from him and his stupidity and his hormones and heat. 

"You're not an idiot, and you didn't cross the line," she said, grabbing his wrists so that he couldn't fix the mask back on. When he looked at her, her eyes held neither disgust nor fear, and she set his hands down at his sides so that she could throw her arms around his neck. "I just... didn't know you wanted me." A smile. "I never would have guessed, you know?" 

He shook his head. But with her arms around him, her face still so near, he was starting to feel a bit better about his... well, what he considered a fuck-up. "I did my best not to let you know, I think. I'm very much used to keeping control." He looked over her shoulder to make sure they were still alone, and the party had almost entirely dispersed. "We should get back to the Celcius. We can talk there. I, ahh, have something to... throw away." 

"I can tell," she said with a grin, looking down between them. When Lazarus followed her gaze, he flushed noticeably and looked away again. Rikku laughed. "No, it's okay. I'm flattered, you know? Really. I've never had a guy get that turned on just from a kiss. For that matter, I've never been kissed with that much... fervor." 

Lazarus relaxed a little, but it still embarassed him. He shook his head. "We should go. Go ahead and get up, Rikku." Funny. Now, she didn't sound drunk at all. And for that matter, she hadn't tasted of alcohol, though her cheeks were still red. Maybe she hadn't been as drunk as he'd thought. Just tipsy and happy and willing to let go of herself more than the drink's affect would have. 

"But I don't want to move," she whined, tightening her grip on his neck and pressing her face in towards his shoulder, where the tunic ended and the starched black collar began. But he could tell she was smiling. 

Lazarus sighed and put his arms back around her, one hand on her back and one on her butt, before he stood up. "If you're going to make me carry you, at least fix my mask back in case someone is still alive around here." The girl laughingly complied, and they weren't interrupted or harassed on the way to the Celcius. Paine and Gippal were sharing a bed in the mens' quarters, as were Brother and Nhadala, so Rikku and Auron had two beds in the Cabin all to themselves. Buddy, for some reason, had taken to sleeping on the Bridge. In the midst of so many others pairing up with members of the opposite (or same) sex, he was the closest to the Celius. None could come between him and his ship. And of course, no one knew where Barkeep and Darling went at night. Probably to some big fishtank Brother had rigged for them years ago. 

Once they'd gotten to the Cabin, Rikku locked the door behind them and started taking out her braids, heading toward the upper level to get to bed. "Don't forget you're staying here, tonight. The couples have the other room, so we won't be bothered or anything. You can have the bed next to mine." 

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" he responded with a slight smirk, doffing his mask and belt, as he trailed her. Luckily, his arousal had flagged as quickly as it had sprung, so he didn't have to "throw something away" before bed. He was sure he'd have to at some point soon, especially after sharing the same bedroom with the object of his affection, but somehow everything was so natural and easy with her that he could put it off without any pain. 

But instead of responding to his joke in kind, Rikku turned to look at him, still undoing her hair. "Who are you, Lazarus? I can see your face, and I recognize you a little, but I can't place it. So who are you?" 

"...shit." He sighed, sitting down on the bed next to hers with a muffled "whumph" sound. "Excuse my language. It's just that I knew this moment would come. And frankly, I didn't think it would be after you found out about my... feelings for you. I'm afraid it will rather dimish any affection you hold for me." He looked up at her to judge her reaction so far, his eyes squinted with worry and doubt. But she only smiled a little, sat across from him and patted his knee. Which, he'd finally decided, was a good feeling. 

"Just tell me, okay? I'll do my best to understand. I promise." Wise woman, to promise only to try. 

Lazarus gritted his teeth and nodded in response, folding his hands in his lap, his tunic falling open before him from lack of the belt. "Rikku... you've seen Tidus' spheres before, right? There's a man in several of those spheres. A young man, only about twenty-six. He's foolish and hot-blooded and self-righteous. He's dedicated to Yevon and its teachings... everything that's caused you pain. And he's... overzealous sometimes, but I like to think his heart was in the right place. Fourteen years ago, that young man died in a desperate rebellion, after watching his two best friends, the only friends he'd kept long enough to consider true, sacrifice themselves to save Spira. And that young man held his pyreflies together. He refused to die. He would live the half-life of the undead, in order to fight against the thing that killed his friends, and in order to protect the children of those two men. He rode Sin into a dream, in order to become foster father to a dream child. Ten years after that, he journeyed with Lady Yuna and became her guardian. When they defeated Sin, she sent him. And he hasn't been seen snce." He bent over to take off his boots, trying to delay looking at Rikku's face for as long as possible as he spoke. "Then six months ago, he was brought back to life at the behest of the Fayth, in order to do a job that, apparently, only he could accomplish. And this life he was brought to would be permanent, until he died a natural death again." Boots off. Nothing much left to do. Lazarus put his hands back in his lap, staring down at them, listening to the silence of the room, the soft white-noise whir of machines the used onboard the ship when it was docked. Her breath, coming soft and steady. "Rikku, I am Lazarus. I wasn't lying. I'm a new person, in a body that's exactly like my old one. But I was dead. I was Sir Auron, legendary guardian. You can ask Tidus, or Khimari, both of whom recognized me as the person I was. But... um." He sighed, and looked up at her. Thankfully, her face looked no different. She wasn't crying, she wasn't running. She was just studying him, looking at him. He tried to form his next words, but he couldn't. Not while he was looking at her. Not while she was looking at him like that. He looked down again, at his hands. "That's why I've been holding back. That's why I've been trying to hold back. I knew if I lost control like I did tonight, it would... complicate things. You have my apologies. It was not my intention to deceive you into a relationship with one... so old and lost." 

As he stared at his feet, black socks marked by the indentations of his boots, he heard a creak next to him, felt the weight shift the mattress beneath him. "You aren't old," she said. "Not when you can kiss like that. And I admit, it is kind of... well frankly Laz, it's weird. Even now that I know, I can't look at you and think of you as Auron. You're Lazarus. You're my vneaht. And, well... this." 

When he turned to look at her, she kissed him for the second time that night. Just a soft kiss, warm lips to lips, eyes open so that she could look into his. He could only move his mouth a little before it ended, and he found that her hand was on his chin, supporting him. Holding him. "You didn't deceive me," she murmured. "But now that I know who you are, and I know that my feelings haven't changed, I want to ask you something. And it isn't just a simple request. It's complicated and huge and life-changing, and it'll probably be a bit of a surprise to everyone. The fact that I want to ask it of you comes as a surprise even to me." 

Lazarus blinked, found himself nodding. "I don't care. Anything. Name it." 

"I want you to speak to my father in the morning, and ask for me in Luindcreb. I'd ask your parents as well, but... they're gone, right?" She smiled a little, brushing her blonde hair behind her ears, running her fingers over the tight curls that had fallen from her braids, breaking up the sheet of straight hair that fell over her shoulders and down her back. "I know it's sudden. I mean, one kiss and I want to get hitched. But it seems right, is all. We've been so close for so long, it seems like such an easy next step." 

He blinked, reaching out a tentative hand to touch her shoulder. When she didn't jump, he brushed the rough callous of his thumb over her birthmark, painted his hand down to her elbow as he had when she'd been sleeping. "You'll have to explain this Luindcreb to me. I'm not sure what you mean by getting hitched. After all, it's courtship, not marriage, right?" 

"Actually, for us, it's kind of like... temporary marriage. A trial basis-ish. We can do anything we'd normally do if we were married by Yevon standards, but it only lasts one year. You can end it at any time if there are problems, and people can even enter into a series of Luindcrebc. Though then you'll get a bad reputation if you luind too many people, and no one'll even date you afterwards." Rikku smiled and leaned into his touch, then moved closer so that she could be a little more comfortable. Leaning into him felt good. Felt right. "Luindcreb turns into marriage when it's been successful for a full year, or when a baby is conceived, whichever comes first. The only rules are, you have to be of marriagable age, and you have to be a virgin outside of Luindcreb, or else you're branded a slut and you can only get married in a Yevonite ceremony. But since it's so easy to do, no Al Bhed disobey that rule. And Yevonites that want to marry in, well, they just have to, you know... be virgins too." She shrugged. "But since you said you'd never... well... yeah. It should be fine." 

"You want to marry me...?" He was flattered, but aghast at her decision. And after she'd found out who he was! It didn't seem to make sense. But then, she wasn't talking about the same thing, quite, he supposed. Still, it was rather a shock. And he'd thought... he'd thought his attraction was entirely one-sided. 

She shifted in her seat, hands spread out on her knees, rubbing nervously at the skin beneath the dress. "We don't have do do anything serious. Just, you know, the option's at least there. If you don't want to--" 

"I do," he said quickly, grabbing for her hand. Then he chuckled, realizing his ironic choice of words. "But Rikku, are you sure you want this? I mean, you loved Gippal for so long. And... we haven't even spoken about... becoming romantic before. I want to be with you, truly I do, but I don't understand how you could enter into something like this so easily. What you're talking about, it may not be marriage, but it's serious." 

"I know that. But I honestly feel that it's right. I'm..." she bit her lower lip and rubbed a thumb over his palm, eyes tracing the curve of muscle barely visible beneath the open tunic. "I'm comfortable with you. More comfortable than I've been with any man before. Moreso even than with Gippal. You don't make me nervous or creeped out or sick to my stomach like he did sometimes." She smiled, and leaned closer, breathing in his scent. It was warm, masculine. He smelled like sake and sweat and fruit and his earlier arousal. "You're just you. And I want to be with you. The only reason I've never considered starting a relationship with you is, well... you seemed so untouchable before. Like a god or an aeon or something far away. The fact that you wanted to be friends, much less close friends, was kind of... neat, you know?" She smiled again, and reached up to run a finger over his jaw, trailing up to the tan line. Just exploring him. But when his gaze shifted to hers, pinning her down, she had to wonder: where had all this passion come from? How was this man anything like the Auron she'd known four years before? "How is it that you restrain yourself like that, Laz?" 

He grunted. "Years of practice. And if I did not restrain myself, did not hold back at this moment..." He stood up and lifted Rikku easily from the bed, then turned and laid her own in her own. "I'm afraid we'd have to fall back on a Yevonite ceremony. Cid would not be pleased." 

Rikku giggled and slipped her arms into the dress, shifting around a bit before shoving her arms back through, bra crumpled in one hand and tossed to the side of the bed. When she looked back up at her... what was he now, her lover? Her best friend? Some close combination of the two? Well, when she looked back at Lazarus, his mouth was gaping, as if to say, _How do women bloody do that?_ Rikku laughed and shook her head, flicking off the desk lamp and getting beneath the covers. "Good night, Lazarus. Or should I call you Aruon?" 

"Auron is dead," he murmured. "But call me what you like. Call me Lazarus, lover, human, or slave, I care not. It's all one to me, as long as the words come from your mouth and no one else's." He winced, shaking his head as he crawled beneath the covers of his own bed. "Or call me what I am: an over-dramatic, sappy fool. Good night, Rikku." 

Soft lips curled into a smile, and spoke into the darkness. "Good night.... kuut hekrd. Ujan-tnysydel, cybbo vuum fru E muja."

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_** Vneaht = Friend   
Nekrd huf. = Right now.   
Luindcreb = Courtship   
Kuut hekrd. Ujan-tnysydel, cybbo vuum fru E muja. = Good night. Over-dramatic, sappy fool who I love.**_


	9. Chapter 8: Of Confusion

_**http:www. geocities. com /raspberriesanon /Lazarus .jpg** Crappy rendition of Laz, done with Hero Machine and a screen cap saved in MS Paint! Remove the spaces and view with pride. Or disgust at my use of Hero Machine for illustration (www. heromachine. com)_

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**Chapter Eight: Of Confusion**

The morning after is always a jumble. First you realize where you are, then where you've been. If you have a hangover, it starts to kick in just a little after you wake up. Either that or it wakes you up, knocking on your skull as if to say, "Hello, I'm the payment for your fun!" And then, you have to realize what happened the night before. Whether it was innocent fun or not. Whether there's a coyote ugly sleeping next to you. For Rikku, none of this seemed quite so bad. At first. 

"...cred," she muttered, bringing her hands to her face. God, what a party. Thankfully, she hadn't had enough of Gippal's snowy drink invention to get vomiting drunk, but she'd been tipsy all right. Couldn't walk in a straight line. And now, she felt queasy all over. No headache, but the nausea was bad enough. As annoying as the first day of her rag. And when she looked down at herself, she realized she'd just slept in an orange chiffon dress. How's that for stupid? 

It was fun though, the party. She reflected on it as she stood, pulling the dress over her head to toss into the hamper and grabbing her favorite outfit from the nearby dresser. String bikini and a miniskirt. The hair would take a while to do, since it was all grimy from sleeping in a drunk sweat, but she could just wash it in the sink, no problem. A quick stretch... well, may as well do a Sun Salutation, why not? Stretch up, stretch down, one leg back, other leg back, down to the ground then snake up to the sky, downward-dog, back up. Ahh, that felt better. Loose-limbed, heart rate up, and ready to start the day. Rikku turned toward the stairs to hit the bathroom-- 

And her jaw dropped. For there in the bed next to her, luckily still asleep, was Lazarus. And suddenly, she remembered everything. The kiss. The confession. The way she'd begged him to court her. _Cred. Cred!! What was I thinking?!_ She tiptoed around the bed, staring at him. He was sleeping right on top of the coverlet, lying on his stomach with his head turned to the side. Wearing nothing but his black silk pants. Big arms, thick with muscle, hugging the pillow beneath him. Bare back, corded with muscle. Bare feet. 

Auron. This was Auron in front of her. Sir Auron, legendary guardian to Lord Braska, father figure to Tidus, guardian to Yuna, and the all-time biggest meanie Rikku had ever had to put up with in her fifteen years of existence! And she'd practically freaking proposed to him, told him she loved him when they said goodnight! _What the **fuck** was I **thinking**?!_

Suddenly, everything seemed darker, and Rikku started to back away. She'd been locked in a room with someone who... who... did she even really _know_ him? Sure, he was cool and all, and he'd been a good friend, but... Luindcreb was a marriage, not just a dating service. It was like offering him her body. This man, this man! Who the hell WAS this man? 

She turned around and fled down the stairs into the bathroom, wishing heartily that Paine had never given the man the passcode. He could've just as easily used the men's bathroom, rather than invading her territory. Foolish girl, she'd invited him in! Rikku locked the door and folded her arms over her chest, staring at the doorknob. _Gotta think, Rikku. Okay. What do we know about him, about this situation? What can we do to keep ourselves from... panicking like a 'tard?_ She laughed, then, sitting down on the closed toilet seat. _Right. I have been panicking like a 'tard, haven't I._

* * *

A memory floated to the surface then, calm and placid like a bubble in a sphere pool. Of an old man, dying inside, and on the outside already dead. Of Yuna, dancing with wet but uncrying eyes as she sent him. As he began to break apart, thousands of memories and the bits of his soul floating out into the atmosphere, his face had held the same calm and enigmatic expression as he'd always displayed to the world. But Rikku had seen something else there. A lack. He was going to his rest, and relieved. Relieved to be leaving a world that had never held true and perfect happiness for him. Relieved to finally be rid of a half-life, an existence fought through only for those who had died. And at that moment, at the moment of his departure, she felt like she finally... understood him. And her heart had broken for the lost and helpless thing inside of him. Like a child without a mother, like the child she had been, the man was... empty. 

Then another memory. A happier one. Tidus holding up a mirror, and Auron standing near to hold up a sword that shone, bright and colorful and sharper than any blade she'd ever seen. For some reason she wasn't sure of, Rikku had separated from the group of guardians. "Wow," she'd breathed afterward, as they stepped away from the statue of Lord Mi'hen to walk down the Djose Highroad, "that's so beautiful! Like the metal's been painted. So that's your celestial weapon, huh Auron? Can I try it out sometime?" 

He'd grunted but after she'd trailed after him, her eyes wide and pleading, the man had finally given over. The weapon was heavy, exceedingly heavy. As soon as she'd taken it from his single hand, it had fallen to the sandy ground, slicing through the muck just inches from Auron's foot. She grimaced, looking up at him from beneath a furrowed brow, trying to smile so he wouldn't be quite so mad. And he'd... laughed. "Try," he'd murmured, placing a gentle hand over hers and hefting it up with no problems. "You won't have the strength to hold it unless you build it up by trying. When I let go, don't let it fall. No, don't lean over. Spread your legs so that your entire body can balance it out... there. Better. I'm letting go." 

And to Rikku's astonishment, she'd held it. It seemed like her arms would rip off, like her shoulder joints would just separate and leave her a pile of bones and orange leather. But still, she held it, and looked up at the man with a grin. "What happened to you? You were such a meanie before." 

He'd only harumphed, taken the big sword from her small hands so that they could catch up to the rest of the guardians. "You're speaking of the Thunder Plains, I take it." At her nervous nod, he shrugged. "You would have let your fear paralyze you otherwise, thereby paralyzing the rest of the group. Yuna needed you. If we left with her, I knew that you would follow." A hard stare, then, eyes to eyes, and he stopped her, shifting the sword so that it rested on his epaulet, right arm tucked into his coat as always. "Know this. The only way to overcome fear is to face it. By running away, you let it control you. First, you must understand what it is, as we have come to understand what Sin is. That inside of Sin's destructive shell is a small and weak thing that needs to be crushed. Crush your fears, Rikku, and you will need no one's sympathy or concern. Instead, you will earn respect. Which of these has a higher value?" 

After that, he'd just walked away. And Rikku was stunned into silence. He was being cruel so that she would crush her fears? He was making her sad to make her stronger? Oh. That was... new. She skipped along behind the group, buried in her thoughts. She'd always known her father was, well, crappy as a parent. Since her mother had died, he'd spoiled Rikku and Brother until they were sick of it. And by that time, they were old enough to go off on their own. Brother, of course, was almost wholly dependant on Cid, but Rikku reacted in the opposite way and pushed herself away from him. She'd opted instead to go off on her own, learn from anyone else who would teach her the various Al Bhed arts of technology and alchemy. And Brother... he was just a wash-out airship pilot who could hold a gun and cast a few black magic spells. And dance. He danced just as badly as her brother did. 

In any case, Rikku had raised herself for the most part. And frankly, she thought she'd done a damn good job of becoming a mature teenager, if not an adult yet. She'd never had someone give her the tough-love treatment before. But when she thought about it... it made sense. She _had_ gone through the Thunder Plains, after all. Without being dragged. Scared out of her wits, but she made it, and it had felt good to realize her success. 

And maybe, at that moment, the fifteen-year-old had developed just the tiniest of crushes on the older man. A little bit of hero worship that made her smile to be near him. Just a small crush. Enough of one to model her Warrior class sword on his. But still, too small to recognize for what it was until she looked back on the memory four years later.

* * *

"He's still old, though," she whispered to herself. Just in case he'd woken by now, and she didn't want him hearing her reflections. But he was old. His body was only twenty-six, just a little over six years her senior, since she'd be turning twenty in a month. Not too entirely bad. But his mind... forty years old. Literally twice her age at this point, so he really could have fathered her if he'd become a father as young as Tidus or Wakka. Hell, he _was_ as old as her Dad. And it wasn't that he was wiser (though he was), or enjoyed life less than she (though he did). It was... pain. The natural pains of a difficult life lived as thoroughly as possible. 

He'd gone through so much that she couldn't even dream of, couldn't wrap her mind around. He'd died, for yevon's sake! He was born and trained and grew and kept his faith and lost his faith and died fourteen years ago. He raised a boy who grew into a man. He was sent, and slept for four years on the farplane. He was so sure of himself in everything he did. His only innocence, the only thing that she could hold onto, was that he'd never been interested enough in a woman to do more than kiss. And even that was more a choice than an innocence. He'd just been too mature to care about sex. 

_He's a man. I can't be more than a girl to him. A girl. A child. A stupid kid._ Her hands went up to tangle in her hair, legs stretched out so that her feet touched the cold porcelain of the bathtub. _How can he want me? I'm nothing. I'm no one. And he is... He's..._

A knock on the door startled her from her reviere. She gasped, loud enough to give herself away. 

"Rikku? Are you all right?" came a rough alto voice through the door. 

She stood up and picked up a brush from the counter, running it through her hair. "Just a minute, I'm getting dressed," she called. "I'll be right out." Good enough lie. She still didn't feel quite well, her stomach a little cramped on every side, but it wouldn't last much longer. And as far as doing her hair went, hell with it. Once she had it brushed through, she put it up in a ponytail, bangs falling out on every side, and that was that. Checked her face in the mirror. Tried out a smile. Fine. It looked believable enough. Normal enough. She opened the door, and tried it out on Auron, who had retreated to a seat at the bar. Lazarus. Shit, she was getting schizophrenic from _his_ damn identity crisis! 

"For a minute there, I was worried. I thought you were suffering from a bad hangover. Or cold feet." He smiled at her sudden reaction. Smile gone, mouth agape, arms hanging at her sides. Poor thing. He'd been wondering why she was so sure of herself last night. Her unslurred speech had tricked him into thinking she was more sober than she really was. "Rikku. Relax." He stood and crossed over to her, closing the gap between them before she could respond. And then he put his hands on her shoulders, and pulled her close. Into a hug. Just a hug. The first real contact between him that he had ever initiated. "I would never make you do anything you didn't want to do. I would never hold you to a promise that you didn't wish to keep. I would rather cut myself in half than ever, ever hurt you. Do you understand?" 

She nodded, almost shaking in his arms from the wealth of emotions running through her. He was so warm. So strange. So distant from her understanding, but so close. He'd gotten so close, and she hadn't even noticed. And her doubt was gone, banished to the four winds. His arms were soft as they held her. His breath was quiet, calm. His chest was... it was strong, and solid, but it wasn't as big as she'd expected it to be, and she wasn't dwarfed by him. She wasn't a child next to him. She was just smaller. And safe. So safe here in this warmth, against this skin. Her shaking calmed. She calmed. "Luind sa," she whispered, pressing her face to his chest, feeling the texture of him with her cheek. Weird. Unlike Wakka or Tidus or Brother, this man had chest hair. She'd expected it to be terrible, curly and rough and nasty. But it was soft. More like fur than anything. Soft and natural. 

"Look at me," he replied. Clearly, Lazarus still wasn't convinced of her desire to be courted. She switched gears so suddenly, and he wanted her to be absolute about such a weighty decision. And when Rikku looked up, he saw no doubt in the green swirls. Just softness, and maybe a little bit of joy. She smiled, and set her chin on his chest, craning her neck back so that she wouldn't have to move out of the hug. Still, though. "You are sure?" he prodded. 

Suddenly, Rikku giggled, and pulled back from him. Nodding with a grin plastered on her face, she giggled out, "One hundred percent!" Then she shot her fist in the air and pulled it down next to her chin, dancing from foot to foot a little before breaking out into a fit of laughter. 

Lazarus couldn't help but chuckle. "I see you remembered our meeting. All right then. I'll get dressed, and we'll go see your father while he's still in town to visit the child-- Kimi, rather. Is there anything I should be aware of for the ceremony?" 

Rikku made a face and shook her head, walking over to the bar to brew a cup of ginger tea so that she could settle her stomach. "Gimme a break. You saw how formal the Fecrac ceremony is. Closest we get to a wedding is a big party once the Luindcreb year is up, or once the couple's first baby is born. As far as getting the year started goes, you just go up to him with me next to you and say, 'Hey Cid, can I marry your daughter? She likes me.' In Al Bhed of course, but you know how to speak it. And then Pop says, 'Sure Lazarus, you seem like a fine upstanding young man! Consider yourself hitched.' And then we go do... whatever. As an official couple. Oh, and usually people send an official written notice to Pop saying the year's beginning at such-and-such a date and time, but since Pop's... Pop, then we just have to write it down. I mean, he might hassle you a little, but he's really a pushover. I mean, maybe he didn't like you as Auron, but that's for Yuna's sake and, well, you're not really Auron anymore." She grinned at the tea kettle while it began to heat, realizing she was speaking a mile a minute. But for her, that meant things were back to normal. 

He looked down at her from the railing, tightening his belt in order to keep the tunic as orderly as possible. "I'll be honest with you, Rikku. I don't even know who I am, anymore." But he was smiling as he said so, and he tugged the dark embroidered material down around his hips, fixing the collar underneath so that he could hook his mask on before they left. If anyone could learn who he was, she could. 

"Come have tea with me. Then we'll go." As the water came to a boil, she poured it into twin mugs to steep, along with a metal ball filled with ginger root and black leaves. In his, she poured a little of the fruit-flavored snowball syrup. A thought occured to her. "What's your favorite color?" she asked, watching as he stepped down the stairs, his heavy boots clacking with every step, metal-encased gloves and black silk balanced on his shoulder. 

Lazarus smiled. "You'll find me boring once you know. It's red." A wink, and he leaned forward to tilt up her chin, eyes on hers. "Though green's becoming a close runner-up." 

Rikku laughed and rolled her eyes, pushing his tea mug in front of him. "That was _so_ not romantic at all." 

"I thought it was rather poetic," he joked, and stirred the tea with his index finger, disregarding the heat that soaked through and almost burned his skin. 

"Tuh'd xied ouin tyo zup," Rikku shot back, giggling. Hers hadn't brewed for long, but oh, well, she started to sip at it anyway. "I like happy colors. Like yellow and orange and light sky blue. So okay, next question. Um." She tapped a finger on her lower lip. Nothing came to mind. 

"Why are we playing Questions?" he asked, holding the mug by the rim so he could chug it back, half the contents gone in a moment. "Good tea, by the way." 

"Thanks. And, I dunno. I have to get to know you somehow." She shrugged and blinked at his action. "Dude, that was just boiling! You're gonna tear up your insides!" Her voice went squeaky at the end of the statement, lips parted in outrage. Lazarus just laughed. 

"I like to live dangerously. Why else would I be courting you?" 

"Maybe 'cause you love me." Rikku looked at his face then back down to her mug, cheeks taking on a faintly pink glow. She knew he meant it as a joke. She knew that. It just... she wasn't sure of him, still. Why her? She bit her lower lip a little, then sipped at her tea, waiting for his reaction. 

"Ahh. You are very wise, my dear. I babble foolishness, and you..." He bent over the countertop , moving his forgotten mug out of the way so that he could reach her face. Run his fingers over the soft skin, feeling her from temple to chin. "You speak truth." The blush spread further over her cheeks, mouth pulling up at the corners in a small, shy smile. Rikku, shy. That was a first. "We'll have plenty of time to get to know one another. Other than my duty as Kimi's guardian, I don't plan on spending a moment away from you for the next year. If you're sick of me by or even before then, I'll bless your life and be on my way. And if you're not, I swear on my honor as a swordsman that I will be the best husband you've ever had occasion to meet. I'll outstrip Tidus and Wakka in the first lap and leave Barthello and Baralai choking in the dust. Lord Zaon himself won't even come close." 

Rikku smiled and sipped at her tea. The nausea from her slight hangover was entirely gone. All that was left was a tingling warmth. "All right. I'm ready. Let's go see Pop." 

"As you wish."

* * *

_**Cred. = Shit. **Which is funny, because cred's close to 'crud,' and crud's a polite way of saying shit... interesting, no?**  
Luindcreb = Courtship  
Tuh'd xied ouin tyo zup. = Don't quit your day job.**_


	10. Chapter 9: Of Sweetness

HAND-DRAWN ILLUSTRATION of Lazarus up! The link's in my profile. Since there's a lot of Al Bhed in this chapter, instead of translating it at the bottom, I'm going to recommend this translator: http : www. pixelscapes. com/ twoflower/ albhed. html (Without spaces, of course.) Also, this chapter contains mature content. If you're offended by sexuality, please step off the elevator. There is a line break to indicate where it begins. Thank you.

* * *

**

Chapter Nine: Of Sweetness

**

Lazarus felt dry. Perhaps it was a simple case of nerves, but whatever the reason, his entire body felt as though it had been dried out, sapped of life-giving liquid. He licked his lips, accidentally tasting the cloth of his mask. Ick. He'd have to launder his clothing later that day. Why he'd been sent into the world with only one suit of clothing provided to him, he'd never know. Even when he was living in Dream Zanarkand, he'd at least had a few pairs of slacks to wear about the city. Not that the dead sweat much. Ugh, he hadn't even had a shower.

The only thing that was keeping him sane was the woman walking next to him across the beach, twirling at every step, more a dance than a walk. How was it that every movement she made could express such... joy? Such truth and life? Every moment she was awake, she was either working in her lab or outside in the sun, soaking up the light of day. Truly, the woman he had agreed to court was his heart's opposite. Though he had spent fourteen years or more of his existence in the shadow of death, she had spent nineteen years pulling every tiny morsel of life that she could from the world. She had lived enough for the both of them. It made him feel... complete, somehow.

Rikku paused in mid-spin, catching him in his gaze. "You okay, Laz?"

"Was I staring?" He blinked and brushed a gloved hand over his forehead, sweeping a longish curl of hair back from his forehead. He'd need to get it cut again sometime soon... his identity was showing through, what with the hair at his widow's peak and his temples flaring out as they'd been wont to do when he was Auron. Especially at his temples. His hair was as black as his youth again, but at his temples it swept out like a fish's fin. That had been one of the reasons he'd grown it out as a warrior monk. At least when it was long, it wasn't silly-looking.

"Mm," she nodded, moving closer to take his arm in hers. They were nearing the village, where Cid was visiting with the baby, and Lazarus had been becoming visibly nervous, his steps slowing, chest moving a little faster. "It'll be okay. Everything'll be okay." Rikku tilted her head up, gazing over his face, the way his hair had begun to fluff over the back of his starched collar. "You look good today."

Lazarus chuckled. She had to be saying that to make him feel better. "I need a haircut. Unfortunately, my last barber didn't quite like the fact that I wanted to keep a mask on. Vow or no vow." He reached up and tugged on the curl of hair, which had fallen forward over his forehead again. "By the aeons, this thing is annoying. Think you could cut it off for me? I'm starting to look like your friend Paine. And the look suits her far better than me, I believe."

Rikku smiled and leaned her cheek on his shoulder. They were at the shrine, no more than a minute from the village and Cid, and Laz had slowed to a halt. She looked over the shrine, and past it to the view of the village before them. Despite the fact that her race was enemy to Yevon, she still felt that this place was somehow... right. Peaceful in its dedication to the island's faith, because the people here had always been more concerned with holding together their community, rather than raising hatred and racism. And that's what they'd clung to Yevon for. Hope. Togetherness. A sense of peace.

She looked up at Lazarus and tugged on the widow's peak lock of hair with a smile. He was right, it did resemble the way Paine styled her silver locks. Which reminded Rikku of an old Al Bhed rhyme...

"Drana fyc y meddma kenm  
Fru ryt y meddma linm,  
Nekrd eh dra settma uv ran vunarayt.  
Yht frah cra fyc kuut  
Cra fyc jano, jano kuut.  
Yht frah cra fyc pyt,  
Cra fyc runnet."

At Lazarus' raised eyebrow, Rikku grinned, leaning into him. "Pop used to teach me and Brother rhymes all the time, when we were little. He said that was his favorite for me. I didn't have curly hair or anything, but he said I could be so bad sometimes that he wanted to run away and cry. Once, when I was like five, I took apart a machina that he and Rin had been working on for weeks. Ooh, they were so mad! And since they'd been outsmarted by a little kid, they couldn't do anything. I remember them stomping around and cursing... yevon, I thought it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. Pop gave me stuff to disassemble at least once a week after that. So I wouldn't destroy the important stuff."

"Why do you use yevon in conversation, Rikku?" It didn't seem right, after all. He'd always thought that her people hated everything about the old god. With good reason, of course.

She snickered in response, not surprised at his question in the least. "Well, what's the worst curseword ever to the Al Bhed? Worse than fuck? Yevon, of course!"

Lazarus smiled and gently pulled her arm from his, so that he could instead wrap his arms around the woman, pulling her back in towards his chest. She seemed to lose her balance for a moment, but once there was a firm support to lean against, she relaxed into him. His arms were crossed over her abdomen, fingers tapping lightly on the bare skin of her sides. "We should go somewhere, tonight. After this is over. Just go somewhere we can be alone."

"You mean... um. Somewhere to..." She trailed off, but her meaning was obvious. Shy again, but not so much so that she moved away from him. Just enough to fluster herself, cheeks painted rose at her own thoughts.

But Lazarus only smiled beneath his mask and bent down to kiss the top of her head. Well. To kiss his mask, so that she felt the right kind of pressure at the top of her head. "Not that. I'm not that much of an old pervert. We're going to wait until you're ready. I meant to just be together." Better. That seemed to relax her so that she melted again, soft and warm and yielding in his arms. Wait. Yielding? _Not that much of a pervert?_ Laz chided himself, carefully pulling his arms away from her abdomen. Years of discipline would all go down the proverbial drain, if he wasn't careful. The repression he'd placed himself under was beginning to crumble, and he wasn't about to let himself even think improperly outside of the right circumstances. "You can think of where you'd like to go while I speak to Cid. I might choose a location that would label me a scoundrel."

"You're a scoundrel already," she shot back, grinning. "Now get down there and luind me so you can be even more of a scoundrel."

He knew then that his mind was in the gutter. Lazarus had almost responded with "get down _where_ and _what_ you to become a scoundrel?" but his mouth stayed clamped shut. Instead, he let Rikku go and began the easy jog down the hill to the village with her following behind, heading as quickly to Yuna's tent as possible. The sooner he could have Rikku officially, the better. Otherwise, Lazarus was not sure what would become of his sanity.

Rikku had been right in her assumption that Cid would be visiting with the small family. Though Brother and Nhadala had since retreated to Cid's airship, Yuna and Tidus were eating breakfast with the Al Bhe leader and Kimahri, with Paine and Gippal in a corner adding to the conversation. The scene had a familial kind of peace. Laz wasn't sure that he wanted to disturb the group, but given that this could be his only opportunity to speak with Cid for a long time to come, he had to take it. Tidus and Yuna glanced up and smiled in greeting, both of them looking fatigued from the first night with a baby that did not keep regular hours. To the trained eyes of one who had understood Ronso expressions, even Kimahri looked slightly the worse for wear. Luckily, the newborn was still and sleeping peacefully in her cradle, giving her parents and Ronso godfather a moment's peace. And considering newborns, it would likely only be _one_ moment's peace.

"Morning Lazarus! Came to start your guarding early?" asked Tidus brightly, running a hand through his hair. It was a subtle gesture, subtler than Laz had thought Tidus capable of. Yes, he was starting to look rather too much like Auron despite the mask. But that would be amended as soon as he gave Rikku a scissors and let her go to town. The thought of which, suddenly, frightened him. Quickly, he put the fear from his mind to address the issue at hand.

"Actually, Sir Tidus, I came to speak to Cid. If that is all right with you, sir. Shall we step outside?" Laz bowed to a confused-looking Al Bhed leader, before glancing quickly over to Tidus. 'Business,' the glance seemed to say. But the sudden appearance of Rikku behind the masked man made the blonde's eyes widen.

"What in the tarnations do you have to talk to me about, huh? I ain't going nowhere until I've spent enough time with my niece and my little grand-neice. So if it's all right with _you_, sir, get out." The man folded his arms as if the decision was final. But Rikku's eyes, wide and imploring, made her father's heart melt. "Rikku? What's going on here, girl?"

"Hear him out, Pop, okay? It's important." She walked over to him and kneeled down, giving her father that one look that all daughters learn, very early in their lives, is priceless: the imploring eyes of Daddy's Little Girl. "Please."

"Oh... fine. Help me up, girl." The man grunted as Rikku tugged on his arm, but he stood and nodded to the other occupants of the tent, following Lazarus who had bowed out into the morning light. Once they were standing outside in the cool air, Cid tugged down on his shirt and folded his arms again, in his best attempt to stare Lazarus down. "So, what's this all about? I want some answers."

With a swift grace known only to those whose profession is movement or combat, Lazarus dropped down to one knee, his hands pressed to his thighs, head down. "E ryja lusa du ycg vun ouin tyikrdan'c ryht eh Luindcreb. Cra vaamc yc cdnuhkmo vun sa yc E vun ran. Bmayca, cen, femm oui keja ic ouin pmaccehk?" His voice was strong and clear, despite the cloth covering his face, and he spoke each word with the feeling of a man in need, never moving his eyes from Cid's. Behind him, however, were four pairs of adult eyes that saw the masked man's hands shaking. And Rikku... she just stood behind him, wringing her hands, waiting on her father's answer. Why were his eyes so hard? Why was he standing so still? Why wasn't he responding the way Rikku had promised Lazarus he would? Had hoped he would...

"Ramm hu oui lyh'd ryja so tyikrdan oui sycgat Yevoneda cuh uv y pedlr!" Cid yelled, spittle flying from his mouth in a sudden animalistic rage. "Who the fuck do you think you are? We can't see your face, and apparently even the name you gave everyone here is a load of chocobo shit. Maybe you can fool my neice, and maybe you can fool my daughter, but you can't fuckin' fool me!"

The shaking of Laz's hands had stilled, replaced with an ethereal calm. Once again, he appeared to be made from stone, brown eyes hard and emotionless as he stared at the boots of his lover's father. There was a danger to this stillness. Kimahri, who understood the threat, silently took up his spear and silently moved to stand behind the Al Bhed leader. Unfortunately for this leader, he misinterpreted Lazarus' silence.

"I knew it. So the truth comes out, huh? Yeah, you keep your mouth shut, you ignorant swine. I'd be willing to bet my left nut that yer nothing more than some half-cocked kid that wants some action with a pretty girl. On top of that, you've been lying to my innocent little neice that yer some kinda warrior god, sent by something she still believes in from that fucked-up religion she almost got sacrificed for. Well I ain't gonna believe your cockamamy story, and I ain't gonna let you lie to no one I care about no more! I'm gonna get you outta this town and out of my family's life, if I have to beat you down myself, you young charlatan!"

Still, Lazarus did not move. He only murmured a few words to the woman behind him, words that came out as strained as cold as a blast of ice from Shiva herself. "Rikku, understand that I hold you, and therefore your family, in the highest respect. I apologize for what I am about to do."

Slowly he stood, slowly stepped forward until he was face-to-face with Cid's fury. Then, without a word, he grabbed the other man by the collar, and with one hand, lifted him a full two feet from the ground. Cid flailed in a panic, his eyes wide, and before he could say another word, Lazarus slammed the flat of his hand into the man's abdomen, winding him completely, but not injuring him. While the Al Bhed leader coughed and sputtered, Lazarus caught Kimahri's eye. _Stand down, old friend. I will not kill him, as much as I would like to do so._ The Ronso gave an almost imperceptable nod as if he'd heard the thought, and stood at ease, planting the butt of his hunting spear in the ground.

"First. You claim that I am a liar, sir, but I am afraid that you have made a mistake," Lazarus began, still holding the other man in the air as if he had no weight to speak of. "I wear this mask because I must. Because my identity must not become common knowledge, whatever may happen. There are those in this world who could, by knowing who I am, prevent me from my duty, which is to guard your grand-neice until my death. I will answer any question you have in regards to who I am, but only those questions within reason and inside the bounds of my vow." Lazarus paused in his tirade, watching Cid's face long enough to be assured that the man would not speak. But that face was, of course, too wide and petrified to try. "Second. You seem to believe that I am asking for your daughter in Luindcreb because I want to take advantage of her body. This is not true. I am in love with her. She knows who I am. She has seen my face and knows my life story. And even after she knew, she asked for me. Not the other way around."

"I won't believe it! Rikku would never--"

"_THIRD_," Lazarus roared, stunning Cid into a cowering silence. "As I have explained myself fully, and you still appear not to believe my claims. You have said that you will attempt to, as you put it, 'beat me down.' If you still care to try, then by all means." He dropped the Al Bhed leader to the ground then, watching him scramble to his feet. Once Cid was standing again, warily brushing himself off, Lazarus took another step forward, growling out a sound that was low and enraged almost inhuman, the arm that held the other man falling unheeded to his side. "Try it."

Cid gulped and backed away a pace before he realized what he'd done. Though he was no warrior, the Al Bhed knew that such an action had shown him to be a coward before his daughter's beau. He'd lost face. There was no helping it. Cid hung his head and planted his hands on his hips, staring at the man before him. Finally, he sighed. "All right, fine. Oui syo ryja Rikku'c ryht, yht pmacc oui pudr eh Luindcreb vnus drec susahd ihdem y oayn byccac un cra paync y lremt, blah blah blah. But I want to know some things first, you got me?"

Lazarus bowed. Fury spent once more, he slipped admirably well into the role of a respectful son-in-law. "Of course."

Cid snorted, but he began to ask his questions, everything that popped into his mind as important. After all, this person was going to be his baby's future husband. Somehow, he knew it to be true. A year would pass, and nothing would come between them. It made his heart ache. His daughter was... gone. "Will I ever get to know who you are?"

"As soon as my duty is done and Kimi's murder is prevented. If she is killed, my identity wil be of no consequence whatsoever. Needless to say, from the point I was given my life's work by the fayth, my life was tied inexorably to hers."

"Yeah yeah yeah." Cid waved off the other man's fancy words and moved on. So fine, he'd know who the guy was in a few years. "How old are you? I don't want my girl marryin' no young rascal that can't take care of her none, understand?"

This question... made Lazarus stop. He blinked as if confused, then turned around and looked at Rikku. "Which?" he asked her, raising an eyebrow. She walked over to the men and looked from one to the other.

"He can't tell you his real age, Pop. That'd give things away a little. But he's kind of twenty-six. Ish." She looked at her father with the hope that he'd accept this answer. "He's older than Gippal, either way, and you told me a long time ago Gippal would be okay if he ever came round. Right?"

Over toward the tent, the one-eyed blonde coughed and scratched his head in embarassment. Paine only snickered. "Bmayca... tuh'd pnehk sa ehdu drec," Gippal said with a gulp, when Cid gave an accusing glare his way.

"Well fine. One more question. Rikku told you the rules behind Luindcreb, right?" At Laz's nod, Cid continued. "Then you must be a virgin. And we're not talkin' technical virginity, sonny-boy. You can't never even have touched a woman like that. So are you?"

"I am," Lazarus replied.

He could almost hear Tidus' jaw dropping. "Holy fuck, old man!" the boy exclaimed, slapping his gloved hand to his head. When Yuna's hand lightly clapped over his mouth, Tidus realized what he'd just cried out, and grinned sheepishly. Right. Gotta watch his language, now that the baby's around. "Sorry, um. Yeah. Ah-heh."

Cid seemed satisfied, and he pulled out a scrap sheet of parchment which Rikku and Lazarus signed and dated, so that they could become an official couple by Al Bhed standards. Husband and wife really, temporarily married until they tore the sheet, thereby nullifying the Luindcreb. It seemed surreal, to Lazarus. The moment Cid had given in, everything became so strange. Even the air tasted different at the back of his throat. The woman standing next to him was quiet as well, as if she felt the strangeness. They were congratulated, of course. Paine and Gippal were astounded at the couple's sudden relationship. Gippal almost felt jealous, that the girl he'd never been interested in had found a replacement for him so quickly. But then Paine whispered something in his ear, and all such thoughts flew from his head. Yuna was thrilled, and though she did not know that Lazarus was Auron, still she had a great respect for Lazarus as a person and as guardian to her child. She couldn't think of a better man to take care of Rikku, and she wouldn't think of taking time from the couple by forcing Laz to babysit so early after her pregnancy, when he'd helped out so much before! He should take a week or two away from them, at least. Tidus still couldn't get over the fact that Lazarus, his own damned foster father, was still a virgin at forty, for crying out loud! So he just kind of stood still, scratching his head and trying to process the idea. And then, there was Kimahri.

The Elder Ronso walked up to Lazarus with a knowing look in glowing yellow eyes and stopped next to him, staring hard at the human. Then without a word, he curled his right hand into a fist, and thumped the man on the chest. Laz's jaw clenched and his eyes clouded just a bit. Their parting had been reversed, and still the affection held. All was well.

After the congratulations were over, Lazarus walked silently back up the hill leaving the village in his wake, Rikku at his side. Kimahri had chosen to reach the Celcius, on which he would travel to Gagazet, by running, leaping from one ruin to the next. Laz had the feeling that he'd simply wanted to leave the two alone. Paine and Gippal, of course, had other means of transportation. So the two walked in silence. Lazarus with his hands behind his back. Rikku with her arms swinging at her sides, scuffing her sneakers in the dirt. Finally, just to break the discomfort of silence, she spoke.

"That thing Kimahri did. When he, y'know, thumped you on the chest. You did that to him when you were being sent, I remember." She paused, watching her now-husband nod his head in assent. "It happened... so fast. We knew it would, but. I guess I couldn't really react. I remember... I just stood there. Bent over. Wringing my hands while Yuna danced. How you said that this was our world now. How you said that your life had been enough. And I still couldn't react at all, while you were dying, right in front of us." Rikku grabbed for his hand, suddenly overcome. As if she were afraid he'd leave again. And Lazarus held on, breath coming slow and steady. Listening to her because she needed to be heard. "I knew you didn't care too much about me. And really, I guess I wasn't thinking about it at the time. We weren't close, so it would've been kind of selfish of me if I had thought of it. But. You just. It was your time. But you looked so sad. So empty." She sighed, and he pulled his hand away for a moment, but only so that he could unglove himself, balancing the metal-and-leather gauntlets on his shoulder. When he reached out again, he rested his arm around her shoulders, warming her small frame, keeping her close.

"I wasn't sad, really," he said, walking slowly. "I was just... I was so tired. And I wanted so badly just to sleep. Imagine... imagine staying up one night, and living through the next day with no sleep. Everything becomes hazy. All of your senses become peculiar, like they're not entirely yours, right? It's like that, existing just like that for years. It's like walking for days without sleep, walking endlessly in endless cold. I honestly can't say I know how Mika did it for so long, so much longer than I. Every part of life, every enjoyable thing that you manage to do feels only like a memory of itself. You function of course, every day you function as you always have. You grow and age. You age maybe a little faster than you should have, even, since your body wants to begin the process of decomposing. But sleep isn't restful, warmth isn't comforting, food isn't satisfying. Just existing in that state was... painful. That's the best way I can describe it to someone still living." He blew out a mouthful of air, and shook his head. "The most annoying part of it was that I still felt lust. Not for anyone in particular, mind. Just lust in general. Which isn't much use, when you're unable to procreate or even feel pleasure."

She nodded, flushing a little at the thought. Auron, strong and tall Auron who felt no fear and exuded masculinity, feeling lust. But of course, Auron was Lazarus, and Lazarus was still a young man who clearly felt passion. She'd felt it through him, just the night before. When she was sitting in his lap, and she pulled closer, she could feel his heat all through her body, and the physical manifestation of male desire growing between them. She coughed, a fake sound to cover up her thoughts. "Um. Can I ask you a question?"

"Certainly," he murmured, thumbing the birthmark on her shoulder again, stepping just a little bit quicker now that the Celcius was in sight, docked right on the beach. "You can ask me anything now."

"Did you, ahh. Um." Rikku reached up and grabbed a bit of hair that had fallen over her shoulder, started coiling her ponytail around her hand. "Last night, after we went to bed. Did you, er, throw something away? Just, um. Curious." Suddenly, she desparately wanted to take the question back. Like she had no right to ask, despite his offer.

"Mm. Since you ask, yes. It was keeping me awake, thinking about you. Being near you." He looked down at her, his eyelids half closed. "Don't worry. I didn't sully or disrespect anything of yours. Save in my thoughts."

Rikku nodded, even more anxious now than she had been. Anxious because she couldn't keep her attention from his words, his face. The way he walked so gracefully, even when he was relaxed. The way his gaze wound lazily over her body as if he were admiring a painting or sculpture. The way he could speak of his physical attraction to her so casually, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Everything seemed to be changing, and there was a warm tickle between her legs that she was desparately trying to ignore. They were already ascending the platform, walking back into the engine room. Rikku spoke into the ship's intercom quickly, checking to make sure that Kimahri had boarded safely, and to say that they could head to Gagazet whenever Buddy was ready. The ship took off without a buckle, and Rikku walked nervously up the stairs to the elevator. When they were inside, Laz turned around to press the button for the cabin. And he whirled again, grabbing the woman with a sudden passion that left her breathless.

* * *

Before she realized what was happening, Laz had Rikku pressed against the wall of the elevator, his mask ripped off and hanging from the left side of the collar, strings of the right side torn through and useless until they could be sewn together again. His mouth was on her neck, rough stubble from two days without shaving tickling her shoulder. One hand pressed at the middle of her back while the other held her head, careful not to let it bang painfully on the elevator wall as he tasted the flesh of her neck, brushed his lips over her jawline and up to her earlobe. When the soft scrape of teeth ran over the outer skin of her ear, hot breath coming on her hairline, she let out a low moan, raised her legs to either side of him as he held her firmly against the metal wall. Somehow she had to get rid of that maddening tickle, the one that had started on the skin between her legs and had worked its way deep inside, had become a basic need. And when she wrapped her legs tighter around the man, the tickle seemed to die down, fade from a maddening itch into a warm melting pleasure that only grew as she moved her hips, sealing them against his.

The hissing metallic sound of the elevator doors opening distracted her into stillness, but Lazarus refused to be caught unaware. He only tightened his grip on the woman and pressed his unmasked face to her shoulder as he carried her through the short hallway, peeking out through the door at the end to see whether Barkeep was in the cabin. But apparently, the Hypello had been intelligent enough to leave well enough alone for the day. Laz locked the door behind them with one quick hand, then carried Rikku across the floor, up the stairs, into bed.

It had all happened faster than Rikku cared to notice. Her focus seemed to be shifting in and out. She was vaguely aware that Laz's gauntlets had fallen to the floor from his shoulder, that she was lying on her back in her bed and that he was on top of her, hands on her shoulders and mouth exploring her collarbone. No, that wasn't true. She was intensely aware of his mouth. The way his teeth felt, scraping gently along her skin. His tongue, a cold wetness that almost felt like nothing as it brushed over her. His lips, just a little rougher. His stubble. It tickled. "Laz..." she murmured with a smile, not sure what to say. Not sure whether she should really be interrupting.

But the man seemed to jump at her syllable, disconnected from her. His chest was moving quickly, straining at the cloth of the tunic with every breath, face flushed with desire. Laz sat back on his heels, trying desparately to put some distance between himself and the object of his affection. "I'm sorry. Fuck. I'm... fuck. I'm losing it again," he groaned, covering his face with his hands. "Shit. I'm sorry, Rikku. I can't... control myself anymore."

"But you can. Silly." She sat up, with some difficulty since he was practically sitting on her feet, and reached out both hands to pull his away from his face. "Just the fact that you can hear my voice and react to it. That's control, isn't it? I mean geez, Laz. You're way too repressed, you know? We're luindat. We're married. You can do things to me and stuff, now. Did I sound like I wasn't enjoying myself?"

"Well, no," he admitted, "but there's a fine line between pleasure and pain. People... make the same sounds, the same faces. How would I know if I was doing something you didn't want?" His eyes shone, and despite the obvious lump in his pants, the rest of him was slumped over. "Tell me what you want, so that I know when to stop. Otherwise, I'm not even sure I'll react in time. I just don't know. This has... never happened before, you understand."

"I know," she said. With a little yank, she pulled her feet out from under him, and moved so that she was kneeling before him. Carefully, she reached around his waist and undid the buckle of his belt as he watched her with burning eyes. "But you don't have to hold back. I'm yours. I don't doubt that anymore, and we've got the papers to prove it. But... let's go slow, okay?" With a flick of her wrist, the belt was tossed aside, and she reached under the loosened tunic to unclasp his collar, throwing it aside along with the torn and ruined mask. "Otherwise you might mess up even more stuff, and I'd hate to have to get you all new clothing just because you couldn't show a little patience."

"You're hardly wearing anything," he replied, his voice low and warm. When she bent forward to slip the tunic backwards over his arms, he kissed her neck again, sucking a little before she had the chance to pull away. It made her shiver.

"Take your boots off. You'll get the bed all dirty," she replied, kicking off her own sneakers and letting them join the steadily-growing pile of clothing. It was only then that she realized her miniskirt had worked itself halfway up her hips, likely from when she'd wrapped her legs around him in the elevator. So the skirt was the next to go. Rikku sat on the bed in nothing but her favorite yellow bikini. Hair in a ponytail. Feeling utterly exposed and self-conscious next to Lazarus, who had stripped down to nothing but the silk pants and was sitting patiently and obediently still, despite the instincts that were screaming at him to do otherwise. "All right. So, um. What now?" she asked, pulling the band from her hair. Tossing it into the pile of clothing, for lack of a better idea.

His actions answered her. Moving slowly as she'd asked, he laid down next to her and tugged her down to lie next to him. His mouth clasped hers again, pulling her lower lip between his and tracing her tongue with his, teasing it so that she grew bold enough to press inside of his mouth. While his right arm slipped between her neck and the bed, his left began to explore her body. Traced the curve of her hip, the valley of her throat and the peaks of her still-covered breasts. And Rikku... oh, she was in heaven, lying still against his chest, letting him touch and taste her. And when she grew bold, running her fingers over his torso and down to the swell in his pants, she felt a wild surge of desire stabbing her inside. She moaned into his mouth and felt his hips press closer to her hand, and his entire body was hot and pleading against hers. Her brain was so far gone at that point that she hardly noticed when he pulled on the strings of her bikini, unfastening the yellow cloth at her neck, her back, her hips. And somehow, even when she did notice that he'd pulled her clothing away, tossed the cloth to the side like the unimportant barrier it was, she didn't feel naked. She just felt real and warm against him, her chest nestling easily into his, his hands gentle and slow across her skin. And the weight of his body when he moved on top of her once more, finally nothing but a thin sheen of sweat between them, felt more comforting than restricting. She liked this sensation of being pressed down, with nothing but Lazarus on every side of her, Lazarus who kept her safe and warm and stared down into her eyes as if they were his path to salvation.

And when it happened, Rikku did not weep with emotion. She did not scream. She did not speak. She only moved against him, pressed as closely as she could to her Lazarus, her husband, her lover, her vneaht. Pressed ever closer even though it hurt a little, even though it ached. She only welcomed her other half inside, and felt truly whole for the first time in her life.


End file.
